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Post by Lily on Aug 14, 2021 14:22:59 GMT
As most of you will know I've moved at a very rapid pace. I very quickly went from thinking I was a cis man who liked the idea of dressing up, to knowing I am a trans woman. It's still not even two months since I first came here. I accepted I was a trans woman just over two weeks ago.
However the pace hasn't slowed since that time. Ever since then the feeling that I am a trans woman has just grown and grown. I'm noticing more and more things with every passing day, new experiences, new perspectives and new reflections. I've said I felt I've lived an empty life and that there pieces of me that were missing, but I didn't know. Right now it feels like that all the empty parts of me are being filled in, however rather than it happening with a gentle flow it feels more like a torrent. There is simply no stopping it, and I have not been foolish enough to try. It is however somewhat overwhelming. There is so much to process and there are too many new thoughts arising from all these experiences and emotions.
I am in desperate need to have someone I can talk to about all this. Though sharing these thoughts with you here provides me with a lot of support, and helps ease everything, I do need more. I hope a forthcoming opportunity will provide that.
xox,
Sandi
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Post by Jessica on Aug 14, 2021 16:13:39 GMT
Yeah as I've said before the rest of us here have had a lifetime to process this. You've dealt with a ton in a very short time. That has to be difficult but I think you're handling it really well!
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Post by Lily on Aug 14, 2021 16:56:27 GMT
Yeah as I've said before the rest of us here have had a lifetime to process this. You've dealt with a ton in a very short time. That has to be difficult but I think you're handling it really well! Thank you Jessica. I think I am too. Having everyone here helps, even brief replies can make a huge difference. I've also acknowledged it's a bit too much, and I'm taking a change in course with my healthcare as a result. All during the process I've accepted and welcomed what I've discovered. I've made it a lot easier on myself by not trying to resist it or hide from it. Though I am racing through all this it doesn't feel at all forced, it's just how things naturally developed. I know that I've navigated my own path through this. I've known when things haven't quite fit, or aren't quite there yet. I also know how happy and content this has made me. All the distress has come from not being able to be how I'd like to be all the time.
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Post by Kelli Ann on Aug 17, 2021 2:06:51 GMT
All I can say Sandi is continue on being yourself and let your feminine side flourish. You will learn new things every day. Like myself some days it never enters my mind and I am as manly as can be and some days, but a lot more lately, I am Kelli all day long and in my heart I know that is what I want and desire.
I consider all of us very blessed to have these feelings even though we cannot be the woman we want to be. It has really opened many doors for me and I know it has for you as well Sandi. You are truly blessed. Think of how much more exciting life is for you when you think of yourself as Sandi. I am so happy for you that you have discovered your true identity. Take the ball and run with it girl! Your are free.
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Post by Lily on Aug 17, 2021 20:52:19 GMT
Sorry Kelli, I had meant to reply to this earlier but other things got in the way. Thank for your words of encouragement.
I think we all blessed that we know this about ourselves, and that we love and accept that too. When I look in the mirror when I'm dressed up, I invariably think that I am beautiful. Often I don't even need the clothes to think that. That genuine belief comes from loving myself knowing who I really am. I hope you all think you're beautiful too. I know you all are.
I very much intend to keep exploring and experiencing new things as a woman, and making the most of my inner femininity. There's no turning back or switching this off, no putting the genie back into the bottle.
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Post by Kelli Ann on Aug 17, 2021 23:08:45 GMT
Hey Sandi,
I love your quote, “There’s no turning back or switching this off, no putting the genie back in the bottle.”
Yes our inner feminine nature will be with us forever and it is a blessing.
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