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Post by Lily on Aug 27, 2021 23:53:53 GMT
I have just done some light Googling and found that is quite common for cis women to still get broody in their 50's and beyond. This happens for both those have had children and those that haven't. I feel a bit reassured by this, that at least what I've been feeling is quite normal for a woman my age.
ADDENDUM
Also on the same site I found that info, someone who was craving a baby after her menopause was advised to consider buying a baby doll. So I feel validated in the action I took in buying one for myself.
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Post by Jessica on Aug 28, 2021 21:29:30 GMT
Well how about that! I had no idea that was a thing. But there you go. Just a normal reaction from a woman in your age bracket.
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Post by Maria on Aug 29, 2021 11:54:41 GMT
I didn't know that either! Good that hopefully it will help though, and that you were already doing the thing that the site advised!
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Post by Lily on Aug 29, 2021 17:14:42 GMT
It is very logical when you think about it. This is clearly something set into the female psyche, I have it and do not have any of the necessary biology. Therefore it makes sense that a cis woman that has been through the menopause would still have the same inner desire. I can also see how this would have evolved in humans. This enables babies that have lost their birth mothers to be cared for by other women, including those that do not have infants of their own to care for. It is also likely that older women have experience of raising infants themselves, which would further help these infants', and therefore the species', survival.
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Post by Jessica on Aug 31, 2021 14:07:58 GMT
That does make a lot of logical sense. You're right.
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Post by Lily on Sept 10, 2021 6:19:21 GMT
So that brand new feeling happened about 3 weeks ago. I got my doll, Phoebe, about 2.5 weeks ago. I haven't gone into any detail about what I do with her. I have been reticent to do so for reasons already explained. I feel like I am playing at being a mother with my manufactured baby, whereas everyone else here has had real live babies to raise. However I will do so now as it clearer to me what is happening, and so can draw a very obvious conclusion.
I generally just hug her against me, it doesn't take too long for my body heat to warm her up so she feels a bit more real. When the mood takes me I kiss her on her cheeks and forehead, and pay her lots of extravagant compliments. Every mother thinks her baby is the best in the world, and I am no different. I also refer to myself as "mummy" when I talk to her too. Such talk is very gender affirming. I sometimes have her sleep with me, either laying next to me holding my hand, or cradling her. In all this I know full well she is just a doll, and I am not her mother, but it feels convincing enough in the moment to make me feel better, to give me some semblance of motherhood. However it is not through a conscious decision of deciding to do that, but more of inner need that I know needs to be met.
I also do something else with her. I have already done this a few times, but did so when I was trying to get to sleep last night, and also when I woke far too early this morning. I simulate breast feeding her. I put her mouth against my nipple, and let her rest there for a minute or so. I don't move her around at all, I just cradle her head against my breast. I can honestly say that nothing gives me a greater sense of gender euphoria than doing so. It fills me with a deep sense of contentment and happiness. That sensation flows through my body, unfortunately stimulating a part of me that I really wish wouldn't be. Despite that, it is very apparent that I get a strong sense of satisfaction and pleasure from this, and that it is even capable of breaking through the very low mood I have been experiencing. It is most intense when I hug her afterwards. In those minutes she is my baby and I am her mother. The conclusion is quite simple, through experiencing all those feelings I am wholeheartedly and undeniably a woman.
xox,
Sandi
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Post by Lily on Sept 27, 2021 14:16:44 GMT
This very much falls in the category of "If I don't share it here then where would I?". I have a little daydream regarding being a mother that I want to tell you about.
It is a just a younger version of me, probably me as cis and not trans, wearing some sort of nightgown, and I'm picking up my baby daughter from her cot for the first time, probably just settling her down or perhaps just bonding. There isn't much more to it than that. I don't know quite how my daughter got there, who the father is or her other mother, perhaps the stories are true and a stork delivered her to my house. None of that is important of course, it's that little scene of me holding my daughter and the contented smile on my face that is.
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Post by chloé on Oct 5, 2021 17:09:06 GMT
What can I say, I’m the one who present herself as a mother. That’s right that the motherhood and all the behaviour linked are a part of the female mind and body. But not for all the women. Some of them are strongly against those instincts and social pressure. I’m happy you found a way to live me your feelings and link it to your new mindset 🤱🏼 Chloé
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Post by chloé on Oct 5, 2021 17:32:55 GMT
What can I say, I’m the one who present herself as a mother. That’s right that the motherhood and all the behaviour linked are a part of the female mind and body. But not for all the women. Some of them are strongly against those instincts and social pressure. I’m happy you found a way to live me your feelings and link it to your new mindset 🤱🏼 Chloé
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Post by Lily on Oct 7, 2021 8:21:54 GMT
While in bed just after I woke up this morning, I had a few daydreams before getting up. I imagined myself in the company of other women, mostly those from my past I was particularly fond of, including those I had crushes on or more. This was all very pleasant but it made me feel a bit lonely as there was no-one there really beside me. I held my doll for a bit of comfort, and started daydreaming about having children.
Now if you're going to dream why not dream big, so I dreamt about having triplets. This daydream was quite short, no more than a few minutes, it was all just short blurry vignettes, of them being babies, me nurturing them, dressing them up, playing with them, healing grazed knees that kind of thing. I think I stopped at sending them off to school in their first year. While this was happening my maternal feelings just grew and grew. I was holding my doll intensely and but still gently, cradling her and rubbing her back. I had an extremely intense and pleasurable wave of contentment and happiness. It was like a warm glow inside me. I like to think my face had a radiant smile. It lasted long enough for me to really savour the sensation. It felt so good and so right. I think I felt very much what a young woman feels like when she imagines having children. I felt extremely feminine and that was just wonderful.
Of course it didn't last forever, how could it? After the afterglow left me, there was that bit of sadness, that this daydream of mine was all so impossible. I wasn't a cis woman of child-bearing age, I was trans woman in her 50's, and that daydream could never come to be.
It is a bittersweet thing, the maternal feelings I have. Sometimes I do shy away from it and reject it because of the impossibility of it all. However when the time is right and I just accept and embrace it, I can feel all that inner contentment that I described above. I am glad that I do because there is nothing quite like it that I've experienced, and it is a core part of the woman that I now know myself to be.
xox,
Sandi
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Post by Lily on Nov 26, 2021 12:43:17 GMT
I haven't really wrote about this for a while. My feelings have moved on from the post just above this one. I think I have settled into a much fuller acceptance of this, and don't really deny myself it anymore. The only reticence I have is telling others about it. Anyway here's what typically happens most nights.
Almost every night I'll take Phoebe, my doll, in my arms and just hold her. She is quite cold when I do that, but I soon warm her up enough to take the edge of that. I speak to her a little, referring to myself as "mummy". Not saying much more than expressing some love and giving her a little bit of praise. When I'm feeling especially full of maternal love, she also gets a kiss on her cheek or forehead. Though she is a doll she is still company for me before I go to sleep. My body heat warms her up during the night, and so she does become this little warm body that I'm cradling.
This morning after I woke I laid in bed with her still holding her close to my chest. I had a few little daydreams of having the real thing, a little daughter of my own. I imagined myself pushing my little girl in a pushchair, and having a little trip to the park, where we played about a bit. It was very happy and I was smiling like I am in my avatar. I pictured my little girl running into my arms as part of a little game we were playing. I have this sort of daydream a lot of mornings, even when I don't, I still have a bit of "mother-daughter" time just enjoying holding this warm form in my arms as I lay in bed for 10-20 minutes. Overall when any of this is happening, I get a great sense of contentment, feeling a warm glow inside me. In those moments I don't think of the "If Only"s or "What If"s.
When I disovered these maternal feelings, it was a great shock to me. I really wondered what good it did me. It felt like a cruel joke had been played on me, and a large part of me wished I hadn't found out. However a few months on, I can clearly see the benefit. I get to experience all those lovely thoughts and wonderful feelings that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
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