Post by Lily on Oct 28, 2021 13:29:16 GMT
As members will know in the next few days I will be finally coming out a friend stating that "MY NAME IS SANDI MAE, AND I AM A TRANS WOMAN". Quite a momentous step for any of us trans folk to take. I've known I've wanted to do this for a while now, the timing being the only thing holding me back. It got to the point of just thinking "Let's just get this over and done with". I've told you all to expect a summary of what I'm going to write in the next few days. All sounds ready to go doesn't it, but hold on what's that voice in my head saying? "Is this all really real? Are you really sure you're a trans woman, because that's what you're telling her."
Um, thanks voice in my head, I don't really need that right now. Of course I'm a trans woman. Now you can read my posts that wholeheartedly support that is the truth. Please show me the cis man that wears a negiligee for his sleepwear and fondly imagines his younger self as a pregnant cis woman. So this is wasn't this is all about. It's about that first line of that voice "Is this all really real?" Coming out to my friend makes this all the more real. Someone that has known me when I thought I was a cis man will now be told that I am not that.
All this discovery of being trans has been done in my mind, and also typing these posts on this forum. But this forum is real isn't it? You are all real, aren't you? If instead I'd been talking to you face-to-face about this would that make it any more real? Furthermore all those clothes I've bought are real, I've really worn them, and really loved doing so. As for it being all in my mind, well this hasn't been all a dream. The thoughts I've had and the emotions I've felt were all genuine reflections and reactions to what I experienced.
One of the issues for me here is that this all happened so quickly. Four and a half months ago, I would have without hesistation stated that my gender was male. However a month or so after that I tentatively called myself a trans woman, and felt some form of joy doing so. How could that happen so fast? It takes some years to come to that conclusion. That all contributes to the feeling of "Is this all really real?" However I did go that fast. I didn't miss any steps, I just took them very quickly. That was just how it was for me.
This isn't me seeking reassurance asking "Am I really a trans woman?" I know that I am. I am also not backing off from coming out. I will still be doing that. I'm just exploring where all those irrational doubts come from, accepting they will exist and that there is nothing wrong in having them. However you have to face up to those doubts, and in my case that means reminding myself of everything that happened and replying "Yes this is all really real"
Um, thanks voice in my head, I don't really need that right now. Of course I'm a trans woman. Now you can read my posts that wholeheartedly support that is the truth. Please show me the cis man that wears a negiligee for his sleepwear and fondly imagines his younger self as a pregnant cis woman. So this is wasn't this is all about. It's about that first line of that voice "Is this all really real?" Coming out to my friend makes this all the more real. Someone that has known me when I thought I was a cis man will now be told that I am not that.
All this discovery of being trans has been done in my mind, and also typing these posts on this forum. But this forum is real isn't it? You are all real, aren't you? If instead I'd been talking to you face-to-face about this would that make it any more real? Furthermore all those clothes I've bought are real, I've really worn them, and really loved doing so. As for it being all in my mind, well this hasn't been all a dream. The thoughts I've had and the emotions I've felt were all genuine reflections and reactions to what I experienced.
One of the issues for me here is that this all happened so quickly. Four and a half months ago, I would have without hesistation stated that my gender was male. However a month or so after that I tentatively called myself a trans woman, and felt some form of joy doing so. How could that happen so fast? It takes some years to come to that conclusion. That all contributes to the feeling of "Is this all really real?" However I did go that fast. I didn't miss any steps, I just took them very quickly. That was just how it was for me.
This isn't me seeking reassurance asking "Am I really a trans woman?" I know that I am. I am also not backing off from coming out. I will still be doing that. I'm just exploring where all those irrational doubts come from, accepting they will exist and that there is nothing wrong in having them. However you have to face up to those doubts, and in my case that means reminding myself of everything that happened and replying "Yes this is all really real"