Post by Lily on Nov 7, 2021 22:29:47 GMT
The regular members on here will have read that I have came out to my friend via email on Thursday, and that today, Sunday, she replied in a very welcoming and accepting way. I will write in a more personal nature about that in those private messages. However I wanted to write about that need I had to tell someone way back in June, before I came to this forum, and of course before I discovered that I was a woman.
I was going to go into a brief history of my earlier trans experiences before I came arrived here. I think those are unnecessary. Suffice to say that for decades I suppressed my desire to wear women's clothes. I knew that society viewed this in a negative light, and I too had bought into the idea that it showed some flaw or weakness. However knowing what I know now, such feelings could not and would not be suppressed. They would occaisonally come to the forefront from time to time, however these were never acted upon and I quickly suppressed them once more. I should also say that a lack of opportunity also played a significant factor in this too i.e. what was the point in having these feelings if I couldn't act upon them.
However in March 2014, at the tender age of 44, I finally relented and ordered my very first women's clothes, a few pieces of underwear. I can only presume something must have built up in me so much. I still thought that this was to fulfill some kink. I got these to be turned on. However that didn't happen, it hindered me in reaching a climax not helped. Despite this I clearly noted how nice it all felt, and on more than one occaison left the house wearing underwear underneath my male clothes. I wore these less and less though, still suppressing this need, still thinking that it was in some ways wrong and that I shouldn't do it.
So what happened? How did I get from feeling like I shouldn't really be doing this, to wanting to tell someone? Well, fortunately my body gave me a push in that direction.
Though for many years I was skinny, I have slowly and steadily been putting on weight since my early 30s. A gradual process that turned my harder male torso, into a softer and frankly more feminine one. For a year or so before I came to this forum I really noticed this whenever I slept naked. While lying on my side, my arms naturally pushed my breasts together forming some form of cleavage. This made me feel conciously feminine and I both liked and welcomed that feeling. To complement that sensation I would wear my lacy knickers. I felt my bum in them and that was good, so much so that it felt like I wanted to show it off. So at some point this no longer felt like something I should be ashamed of. It was part of who I was. I no longer wanted it be a secret, and hated the idea that I might die with no-one knowing this side of me. Despite all that I still thought I was cis though.
That need to tell somebody had been there for a while, I really don't know exactly how long. The friend that I told was the only possible candidate. That feeling really was in the forefront of my mind, something was really building up, then I clicked on the link to this forum and here I have remained. Finding out that it was more than a desire for clothes, and that it wasn't just a side of me, it was the core of who I was.
Unfortunately I told my friend before I found all that out, and it all got very complicated and messy, but on Thursday I told her, and today she enthusiastically accepted who I was and wished me success on the journey ahead of me. Finally after almost 35 years of keeping it all a secret, I have told someone I love, and they have accepted me for who I am, and still love me. Someone that has known me as Robert now knows me as Sandi. The secret isn't such a secret anymore.
I was going to go into a brief history of my earlier trans experiences before I came arrived here. I think those are unnecessary. Suffice to say that for decades I suppressed my desire to wear women's clothes. I knew that society viewed this in a negative light, and I too had bought into the idea that it showed some flaw or weakness. However knowing what I know now, such feelings could not and would not be suppressed. They would occaisonally come to the forefront from time to time, however these were never acted upon and I quickly suppressed them once more. I should also say that a lack of opportunity also played a significant factor in this too i.e. what was the point in having these feelings if I couldn't act upon them.
However in March 2014, at the tender age of 44, I finally relented and ordered my very first women's clothes, a few pieces of underwear. I can only presume something must have built up in me so much. I still thought that this was to fulfill some kink. I got these to be turned on. However that didn't happen, it hindered me in reaching a climax not helped. Despite this I clearly noted how nice it all felt, and on more than one occaison left the house wearing underwear underneath my male clothes. I wore these less and less though, still suppressing this need, still thinking that it was in some ways wrong and that I shouldn't do it.
So what happened? How did I get from feeling like I shouldn't really be doing this, to wanting to tell someone? Well, fortunately my body gave me a push in that direction.
Though for many years I was skinny, I have slowly and steadily been putting on weight since my early 30s. A gradual process that turned my harder male torso, into a softer and frankly more feminine one. For a year or so before I came to this forum I really noticed this whenever I slept naked. While lying on my side, my arms naturally pushed my breasts together forming some form of cleavage. This made me feel conciously feminine and I both liked and welcomed that feeling. To complement that sensation I would wear my lacy knickers. I felt my bum in them and that was good, so much so that it felt like I wanted to show it off. So at some point this no longer felt like something I should be ashamed of. It was part of who I was. I no longer wanted it be a secret, and hated the idea that I might die with no-one knowing this side of me. Despite all that I still thought I was cis though.
That need to tell somebody had been there for a while, I really don't know exactly how long. The friend that I told was the only possible candidate. That feeling really was in the forefront of my mind, something was really building up, then I clicked on the link to this forum and here I have remained. Finding out that it was more than a desire for clothes, and that it wasn't just a side of me, it was the core of who I was.
Unfortunately I told my friend before I found all that out, and it all got very complicated and messy, but on Thursday I told her, and today she enthusiastically accepted who I was and wished me success on the journey ahead of me. Finally after almost 35 years of keeping it all a secret, I have told someone I love, and they have accepted me for who I am, and still love me. Someone that has known me as Robert now knows me as Sandi. The secret isn't such a secret anymore.