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Post by Lily on Nov 10, 2021 1:41:36 GMT
I noticed something as I got of bed on Sunday. As I pulled off my duvet and swung my legs to the floor I couldn't help but notice I saw those legs differently. They really did seem like the legs of a woman. I viewed them the same way when I saw them in the mirror later. You might think "But Sandi you're a woman, and so you have a woman's legs". Well that's the case, but that was true the day before, and everyday since I discovered my true gender. The point I think is that I saw them differently. Very early on in my journey I noticed that my hands felt very feminine as they touched each other when tieing my hair back. Talking of my hair the same transformation happened in how I viewed my long locks too. Seeing my legs that way was part of the same thing, except now I'm not looking for any signs because I'm already at the destination.
All of that suggests that my subconcious mind adjusted how it views my body. That even before I put my dresses on for the first time, it had started to do that with my hands and my hair. My hands instinctually made my hair appear more feminine in preparation for trying those dresses on. That really struck me at the time, and I used that as evidence that this was something deep within me, that it wasn't a conscious desire or aspiration to look like a woman.
Aside from the obvious parts that dangle, I feel that my legs are the least womanly part of my body. I have noticably short legs but have a long torso. They aren't muscular at all, but they aren't as slender as my arms are. It is no surprise then that this was one of the last things for my brain to adjust to.
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Post by Jessica on Nov 10, 2021 15:46:11 GMT
I don't fully understand this, I have to admit. But it sounds like a good thing! So would you say you now see your body as entirely female? Was this the last piece to the puzzle?
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Post by Lily on Nov 10, 2021 17:32:25 GMT
Perhaps I'm overstating it or not explaining it well enough. It's not like its a permanent feeling, just something I notice occaisonally. Perhaps it's less that those parts seem female, but more than it aligns with who I am, or that image I have of internal self - how look in my avatar. I don't think I see them as totally female but at least feminine. In this instance with my legs, I think it's I now see them as more that than masculine. I think I have noticed this too when I go about the house in my tracky bottoms and slippers. I see that exposed area around my ankle, and they look and feel like a woman's ankles, or at least feminine ankles. Also of note, for a brief moment it's like I'm seeing someone else's body. That I have to think "Oh those are my legs aren't they" These are subtle feelings that I have to turn into thoughts and words so it's tricky to explain.
I think it's a similar thing to how I see myself when I look in the mirror. However in this case there isn't that slight disconnect I just mentioned. With some rare exceptions, I see the woman in my reflection, I see all the feminine aspects of my face, and of course the long hair. I think that's what happening when I see other parts of my body, that my subconcious focuses on the feminine aspects, and ignores the masculine. It knows the reality of who I am inside, and automatically tries to see that in my outside.
I don't think I needed to consciously know that about myself for that to happen. That first night I wore those dresses, I saw myself like that too. It was obviously me, and my face and body hadn't changed, but I didn't see a man in a dress, as I feared I might. When I saw those thighs of mine between my stockings and skirt for example, those were a woman's thighs I saw. I remember looking in the mirror and telling myself out loud how beautiful I was, because I actually felt that way about myself. This was very early on and was nowhere near thinking of myself as a woman, but all those feelings happened nonetheless.
I wouldn't say that my legs were the last part as such. It's more that I just never saw them that way before. I haven't had any feeling that way about my arms yet. My arms are kind of just there. I know they aren't overly masculine as there is barely any muscle on there and are quite thin, the last remnants of my days of being skinny. As such I logically think of them as somewhat feminine. For my hands it's more when I feel them or use them than the appearance. I haven't had that sensation of seeing them as belonging to a woman. Similarly to my arms I know they appear feminine as I have narrow wrists and slender fingers. If I shaved that part of me, then they'd definitely pass as woman's hands.
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Post by Jessica on Nov 11, 2021 14:10:17 GMT
I see. Well, I don't see any parts of my body as female haha so I guess good for you! It seems a bit of a confusing roller coaster, just like everything else! And you're still just starting the ride!
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Post by Lily on Dec 10, 2021 13:29:37 GMT
This sort of fits here.
Before going to sleep last night I admired my figure in the mirror. Specifically how my waist is noticably narrower than my chest and chips. It was only in a small table mirror so only saw that area. I thought it all looked very womanly. Womanly in a middle-aged way but womanly nonetheless. Even the hands on my hips didn't betray me. It gave me a little bit of a pick-me-up which I certainly need right now.
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