Post by Lily on Dec 1, 2021 3:37:26 GMT
This Tuesday afternoon I envisioned a little scenario in my head, a little daydream if you will. I think I may have been feeling particularly lonely or perhaps just a little down about my situation.
The scenario was that I tearfully asked my nephew to ask his mum i.e. my sister, to come to visit me in my room. She came up and we sat together on my bed, and then I came out to her. I don't quite know what she and I said to each other, as the scenario jumped forward to us hugging together. She no longer saw me as her little brother but as my little sister. Extrapolating forward she would help and support me in transitioning. The one main thing I could think of being that she could do my make-up, and I suppose that I would learn from her. Somewhere in all this there would be a nice photo of us together, smiling side-by-side, two sisters together. All very wholesome and heartwarming.
Should such a thing really come to pass it would be so helpful to me. We live together, she'd almost always been on call to help out, giving moral support and practical advice. I think in part this little daydream came from my need to have that, if not all that from one person, then a little from multiple people.
Another obvious benefit from this daydream coming true is that I would be seen as a woman day-to-day. At the moment I spend almost all my life in the house, if accepted here then that would mean I could be living as a woman in a huge proportion of my life. No longer would I have to leave part of me behind as I left the room, only when I left the house. I also really like the idea of being her little sister, not just for my benefit but for hers too. She wouldn't think she's the only woman in the house anymore, which she has been for decades. That she could have all those conversations with another woman that she simply hasn't been having. I of course, could glean all sorts of advice and tips from her. I think many of us have spoken of a desire to be accepted by other women as women, to be seen as one of their gang. I would have that right here at home.
Another factor here is that I have no older generation to come out to - no parents, not even aunts or uncles. Acceptance from my sister could fill some of that gap. I sometimes imagine another timelline when I was able to explore my gender identity as a young adult. In this scenario I was able to come out to my mother and of course, she accepts me as her daughter. I imagine how great that would have been. That in her last few years at least, she would've known me and treated me as I really am, even if that did mean she'd call me Alison
This isn't really leading anywhere, I'm not about to come out. However it could be the start of a growing feeling, a need to do so. Maybe I could come out at Christmas? jk, my life isn't a soap opera. Also I've been describing a daydream, the ideal outcome, not any more likely scenario. With time, something like I described could happen, but not immediately. She's known me as her little brother all my life, and so her seeing me as her little sister will take some time when I do eventually tell her.
Don't worry I'm not asking for any advice this time. Perhaps this could lead into a wider conversation about how other family members see us and treat us, and how we'd like that to change, the difference it would make if they knew.
xox,
Sandi
The scenario was that I tearfully asked my nephew to ask his mum i.e. my sister, to come to visit me in my room. She came up and we sat together on my bed, and then I came out to her. I don't quite know what she and I said to each other, as the scenario jumped forward to us hugging together. She no longer saw me as her little brother but as my little sister. Extrapolating forward she would help and support me in transitioning. The one main thing I could think of being that she could do my make-up, and I suppose that I would learn from her. Somewhere in all this there would be a nice photo of us together, smiling side-by-side, two sisters together. All very wholesome and heartwarming.
Should such a thing really come to pass it would be so helpful to me. We live together, she'd almost always been on call to help out, giving moral support and practical advice. I think in part this little daydream came from my need to have that, if not all that from one person, then a little from multiple people.
Another obvious benefit from this daydream coming true is that I would be seen as a woman day-to-day. At the moment I spend almost all my life in the house, if accepted here then that would mean I could be living as a woman in a huge proportion of my life. No longer would I have to leave part of me behind as I left the room, only when I left the house. I also really like the idea of being her little sister, not just for my benefit but for hers too. She wouldn't think she's the only woman in the house anymore, which she has been for decades. That she could have all those conversations with another woman that she simply hasn't been having. I of course, could glean all sorts of advice and tips from her. I think many of us have spoken of a desire to be accepted by other women as women, to be seen as one of their gang. I would have that right here at home.
Another factor here is that I have no older generation to come out to - no parents, not even aunts or uncles. Acceptance from my sister could fill some of that gap. I sometimes imagine another timelline when I was able to explore my gender identity as a young adult. In this scenario I was able to come out to my mother and of course, she accepts me as her daughter. I imagine how great that would have been. That in her last few years at least, she would've known me and treated me as I really am, even if that did mean she'd call me Alison
This isn't really leading anywhere, I'm not about to come out. However it could be the start of a growing feeling, a need to do so. Maybe I could come out at Christmas? jk, my life isn't a soap opera. Also I've been describing a daydream, the ideal outcome, not any more likely scenario. With time, something like I described could happen, but not immediately. She's known me as her little brother all my life, and so her seeing me as her little sister will take some time when I do eventually tell her.
Don't worry I'm not asking for any advice this time. Perhaps this could lead into a wider conversation about how other family members see us and treat us, and how we'd like that to change, the difference it would make if they knew.
xox,
Sandi