Post by Lily on Jan 6, 2022 13:09:13 GMT
As you may have read I was thrilled to bits with that cute bikini that arrived yesterday. I love it so much I even slept in it over night. I've had some thoughts about this that go a bit beyond just enjoying nice new clothes. They are more about reconciling the fact I'm doing this for the first time in my 50s and not when was I younger i.e. when I was actually young.
One of the thoughts about that are around the young trans woman I could have been. The woman that I was hidden away deep inside of me that never had her time out in the open. I can quite clearly picture the younger me. Given the years between us, while she is me, she also feels like someone else too. As a result rather than feeling sad for myself, I feel sad that I let someone I loved, her, down. The young woman that never got to wear all the clothes she wanted - she never got to find the style that would have suited her, trying on different clothes, mixing and matching and seeing the type of woman/women she wanted to look like. As she is still me too, I doubt that I would've gone that extreme in any direction. She would have found a style for work, a style for home and a style for going out, sometimes hoping to attract other girls. Whatever those styles were, she would've had fun finding out.
That didn't happen of course, so here I am now deciding my style as a middle-aged woman. My money is limited so I cannot try a little bit of everything to see what goes on me, as much I'd like to do that. I look online for someone I like and in my size, for clothes I like the look of. Going for those aren't too expensive, so that if they are a disaster, then not that much has been lost. I've found some of the early stuff I got wasn't really for me, but have recently settled on a comfortable look to lounge around the house in. Much of these are just basic items, plain skirts, leggings and tops. I think they suit me quite well, a woman in her early 50s. However you do want to wear something a bit more special sometimes. Like that cute bikini I got.
I've described how I feel about it elsewhere. I absolutely love it. However I would not have ordered this not so long ago. The design is very cute, designed for women that want to look and/or feel very very young again. I'd have thought I am too old for it or it's just too girly, too feminine. All complete nonsense of course, but I had placed some restrictions on myself, too worried what others might think (what others though? I know you reading this wouldn't mind). More likely then what I thought about myself - that I was trying too hard to be feminine, or to look young.
Whle I was wearing it, and admiring myself, or just enjoying the sensation of being in it, a thought occured to me. I thought that though i bought it very much for me now, the woman in her 50s, that also the younger me is finally getting to wear it too. She's finally wearing the cute clothes she couldn't wear back then. I can imagine her in it, at the beach or at a pool party, all smiling and happy, just enjoying being herself, the young woman that she was, in the company of friends.
Back to real life then - well the friends I have are online, not with me in person, but they are friends nevertheless. Though I wasn't at a beach, I was smiling and very happy, really in the moment, just enjoying being myself, the woman that I now know myself to be
One of the thoughts about that are around the young trans woman I could have been. The woman that I was hidden away deep inside of me that never had her time out in the open. I can quite clearly picture the younger me. Given the years between us, while she is me, she also feels like someone else too. As a result rather than feeling sad for myself, I feel sad that I let someone I loved, her, down. The young woman that never got to wear all the clothes she wanted - she never got to find the style that would have suited her, trying on different clothes, mixing and matching and seeing the type of woman/women she wanted to look like. As she is still me too, I doubt that I would've gone that extreme in any direction. She would have found a style for work, a style for home and a style for going out, sometimes hoping to attract other girls. Whatever those styles were, she would've had fun finding out.
That didn't happen of course, so here I am now deciding my style as a middle-aged woman. My money is limited so I cannot try a little bit of everything to see what goes on me, as much I'd like to do that. I look online for someone I like and in my size, for clothes I like the look of. Going for those aren't too expensive, so that if they are a disaster, then not that much has been lost. I've found some of the early stuff I got wasn't really for me, but have recently settled on a comfortable look to lounge around the house in. Much of these are just basic items, plain skirts, leggings and tops. I think they suit me quite well, a woman in her early 50s. However you do want to wear something a bit more special sometimes. Like that cute bikini I got.
I've described how I feel about it elsewhere. I absolutely love it. However I would not have ordered this not so long ago. The design is very cute, designed for women that want to look and/or feel very very young again. I'd have thought I am too old for it or it's just too girly, too feminine. All complete nonsense of course, but I had placed some restrictions on myself, too worried what others might think (what others though? I know you reading this wouldn't mind). More likely then what I thought about myself - that I was trying too hard to be feminine, or to look young.
Whle I was wearing it, and admiring myself, or just enjoying the sensation of being in it, a thought occured to me. I thought that though i bought it very much for me now, the woman in her 50s, that also the younger me is finally getting to wear it too. She's finally wearing the cute clothes she couldn't wear back then. I can imagine her in it, at the beach or at a pool party, all smiling and happy, just enjoying being herself, the young woman that she was, in the company of friends.
Back to real life then - well the friends I have are online, not with me in person, but they are friends nevertheless. Though I wasn't at a beach, I was smiling and very happy, really in the moment, just enjoying being myself, the woman that I now know myself to be