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Post by Lily on Feb 10, 2022 15:39:35 GMT
It's been almost 7 months since I started called myself Sandi, and it doesn't feel it's properly my name yet.
I think it's a couple of things. I don't get called it very much, a few times a week spoken out loud, and then maybe a few times on here. This has led to there being a disconnect with myself and the name. I'm on two forums as Sandi, my email is Sandi, I'm on Twitter and Twitch as Sandi, but I barely communicate on any of those other platforms.
The other thing is that I'm not convinced that I'm a "Sandi", that it really suits or fits. It feels like the name of blonde not a brunette. Also more fitting for someone younger. If I had been called it more often then I might be feeling differently about it, it would feel like it matched more.
As well as that, the start of the name is very similar to my nephew's name, Sam, something I just didn't notice when I picked it. I could always be called something different by family. It seems to be something of a tradition in my family anyway. I've mentioned before, but both my mother and my cousin went by completely different names to those there were given. Also both an uncle and a grandfather got called by their middle names
I'm not saying I'm going to be changing it. It still wouldn't get much use under my current circumstances anyway. I don't necessarily think I'd be happier with a different name either. Quite possibly all it needs is a bit more time and use.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 11, 2022 16:10:58 GMT
This is a REALLY important call. I think once you go out in public it will be difficult to change so make sure you get it right. Are there any other names specific names you are considering.
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Post by Lily on Feb 11, 2022 19:34:32 GMT
You make a good point, at the moment there wouldn't be that many people to tell. The two forums I'm on and my contact at my local LGBT+ group.
I would like to just have the one name and not have a separate one for family, as there's the risk that neither will feel like my name. It's certainly likely that the one family use defintely won't. I don't like the Sandi and Sam similarity and wish that I'd noticed that when I choosing it in the summer. Everything seemed to fall into place for it back then. It connected to my middle name and there were those coincidences too.
Also another thing comes to mind now, is that I no longer like the connection it has to that singer. She's too tied into my relationship with the friend I came out to. I had to seriously re-evaluate what that friendship really was, and that whole process was very fraught and is frankly an unpleasant memory.
I was just articulating this general feeling that I have, and haven't really been considering any others. I had just been thinking that it may need a bit more time. If I was to change, I'd like to be a brand new, no connections with any names I was given or might have been given. Also for it to be clear and distinct from the names of other family members.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 12, 2022 15:08:12 GMT
Well it was a good thing you had this trial run then. Everything you say makes sense. I think your goal should be to have this figured out before you make your first public appearance.
Mine was always really easy because it was the name my parents tell me they would have named me if I were born female.
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Post by Lily on Feb 16, 2022 22:00:56 GMT
Currently on my short list are - Annabelle Phoebe Zoe Daisy Eleanor Jemima I went through all the girls names on a website in the early hours of Wednesday morning at those are what I came up with. There might be more to add but this is where I am right now. I'm not set on any of these, so if any of you have close family members with those names, then please let me know. I don't want to have the same name as the wife or daughter of a close friend. I am wanting something that matches my age, so would like to know if any of these seem too young. If you think any of these fit me, then do say. I think you know me much better now then when I picked Sandi. This post describes the vibe I'd like to give off. You also have a fairly good idea as to what I look like. As I said those most recent photos of me didn't change my appearance that much, and give a good indication of what some estrogen and make-up would do.
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Post by Lily on Feb 17, 2022 0:25:21 GMT
I'm striking Daisy off the list. I've been doing some research on all those names, and I've been reminded of a character called Daisy Duke, from Dukes of Hazzard. A long-standing friend of mine had the hots for Daisy Duke, he might still have for all I know. So "No thanks" to him calling me that name.
While I think about it, I want to check what names my sister had in mind should my nephew been a niece instead. I have a vague memory of a name like Eleanor being mentioned. That would be a huge no-no if that's the case. UPDATE - I was unfortunately correct, she would have called her daughter Eleanor. So scratch that one off too.
Ugh, I've just looked up Jemima. I will technically be Aunt Jemima (the technicality being I don't get called Uncle ... so won't be called Aunt ... either). I've just seen about the Aunt Jemima food brand. Being an aunt is part of being me. I might want to refer to myself as Aunt ... and Aunt Jemima just has very obviously bad connotations.
From that shortlist, three are left - Annabelle, Phoebe and Zoe. Add to those a new name, Frysabel / Frizabelle.
My sister mentioned that Isobel was a potential name, I'm presuming if she had a second daughter. I'm not knocking Frysabel off as it isn't exactly the same, and also because there was no child that this would've been used for. For my brother's children - they knew they were having twins, and that one was a boy the other a girl, so there were no alternate names for either of them.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 17, 2022 15:57:22 GMT
I was going to say Jemima would make me think of Aunt Jemima and I would stay away from that.
Zoe is pretty Gen Z name I think. At least in my opinion.
It is too bad Eleanor is off the list because I think it is a decent fit and generation appropriate.
Phoebe isn't bad, neither is Annabelle. I don't mind either one. I don't think I have ever heard of a Frysabel, that is unique to me. Not that that is a bad thing.
I took a quick look at the most popular baby names of the 60s. What about Mary, Susan, Donna or Angela?
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Post by Lily on Feb 17, 2022 18:45:13 GMT
Aunt Jemima just isn't known in the UK, so it's somewhat popular for girls. I know the name from children's TV and books. However as I said I might want to refer to myself online as Aunt Zoe or Aunt Whatever, so as soon as I saw that it was an absolute no-go. That one wasn't top of the list so it's fine.
I knew a girl called Zoe at primary school, that's ages 5-10. She's also a character in Doctor Who back in the '60s. I think the problem with that name is that you can't shorten it. I like the idea of having the formal version and informal one too. You haven't got much to do with Zoe. I don't want to be called Zo or Zee. This name seems to be falling off the list.
Eleanor is a shame. I think it fits a middle-aged woman like myself. I think the problem for me with that is that even if my sister wasn't bothered, I know the connection and so it wouldn't feel right. For a similar reason I'm not going with Clara, it is too similar to Claire which my sister might have been called.
I am very taken with names ending in -bel or -belle. Others I've thought of are Clarabelle and Mirabelle/Meribelle. Clarabelle though is best known for Clarabelle Cow from Disney, I've also seen it referred to as a clown name. I've thought that Mirabelle sounds a bit too fancy, what do you think? I think it sounds age appropriate if nothing else. It can get shortened to Mirri which I quite like.
Frysabel comes from a game I really like, it's been mentioned in the games section, Dragon Quest XI. I was looking for names from media that I enjoyed, and that's got the -bel part to it. I think the name is unique to the game. She's the queen of this really cold region in the north. I think it's a combination of Freeze and Isabel. Though she's not my absolute favourite, she is a character I like, and falls very much within my type.
Annabelle comes from the fact that I quite like Anne as a name, but there was an Auntie Annie in the family, my dad's aunt. Annabelle is already a nice name, and combines two elements that I like. It's been my marginal favourite up to now, but I am now liking the other -bel names a bit more now.
Phoebe comes from when I wasresearching my family history. A great-great-great-grandmother had that name. It was interesting to see one of my foremothers having a more uncommon name back in the early 1800s. Jemima was the name of another one of my foremothers, and it's where I got the name from. There were other nice names amongst other ancestors of mine but none of them really suited. I named my doll Phoebe because I liked the name so much, but I hardly think of her that way. I think a problem with this name is what it gets shortened to, I don't like Feebs very much or Bee for that matter. I think this going down the list, but would probably be my pick if I don't go with a -bel name.
None of those names you listed fit me at all. I only really like Angela as a name but don't think it suits. It gets shortened to Angie or Ange which I don't like either.
I think at the moment it's one of the -bel names Annabelle, Frysabel or perhaps Mirabelle, or Phoebe. I'll do some more research as there may be some names I skipped over, or dismissed too quickly.
Perhaps you can help with this - I've noticed that I'm not feeling it with some of the prettier names, because I don't feel like a pretty woman. That my dysphoria might be getting in the way. I'm not asking for reassurance about my appearance, but any thoughts you might have on those feelings when choosing my name. I think those feelings will also hinder me in getting used to whatever new name I choose.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 18, 2022 15:55:23 GMT
I didn't want to say this at first because I didn't want to ruin anything for you, but if I am being completely honest, every single name that ends in "belle" is associated with cows for me. It might just be a midwestern US thing, but cows are often named names like Annabelle, Clarabelle, etc. I don't think that is a reason NOT to do it, especially since you don't live in the midwestern US haha.
I think Phoebe works pretty well. I like that one.
I understand the pretty name feelings. I totally get it. I would look at it simply this way. This is literally what people will call you after you come out. Visualize that. Picture it. When your sister says your name, or someone else in your life, and you answer to it, what do you want that word to be? I think the name will resonate even more because people will know YOU chose it. I know a couple transwomen in the peripherals of my life, and they chose somewhat wacky names. And that becomes part of the narrative, almost a distraction, from who they are. I say, visualize actually having this be your name....what people call you.....what is written on your mail......what your ID says......and go with what makes you most comfortable, keeping in mind that you don't want something that will become part of your narrative in a negative way!
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Post by Lily on Feb 18, 2022 23:09:20 GMT
There isn't that association for -belle names over here. In England cows tend to be called names of common flowers like Daisy and Buttercup. Even then Daisy is still fairly popular.
Some of the problem has been I've been a bit off-kilter this week. As a result of my low mood, I haven't been feminising my clothes quite so much, and have been feeling a bit dysphoric, which hasn't happened all that often.
One aspect I've been bearing in mind is that I want it to be something that is obviously pronounced from how its spelt. I did a test run with Frysabel and someone asked me how you pronounced it. I want the spelling to be obvious too for the most part.
In the main I want the name to be a clean slate. I don't want names that I associate with anyone else. No names of people I know, no potential names of family members and none from real life women I admire. On that last example, taking the name because I like it is fine, but I don't want to take it in emulation of someone else. I've also combined all these names with my surname to see if there was anyone at all famous with those combinations. Sandi XXXXX has two of those, and growing up I had the same name as a well-known actor. So I don't want that problem again.
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Post by Lily on Feb 19, 2022 2:23:13 GMT
I went through all the girls' names on another website tonight. I saw a few names on there I thought I might like, but have rejected all but one of those. There are two others that I had in mind that I half-rejected, which I'm now re-considering.
Jennifer - I like both this and the shortened Jenny. There is a TV presenter that would match my full name, but she's not so well-known now. Was more popular in the 90s and 00s. I had been stupidly put off this name because there's two other Jennies on the DW trans forum. This name is for life, and I shouldn't be put off by short-term considerations
Lily - I like the sound, and have liked the idea of having the same name as a flower. There's a young actor that has this name, but she's hardly a household name
Millie - Similar to Lily of course. Could have the more formal Millicent and go by Millie, but that seems somewhat pointless. I see Aunt Millie's is a thing over in the US. I know I've gone on about being an aunt, but I'll only very occaisonally refer to myself as that. So long as it's not as problematic as Jemima is, then it's not an issue.
I had tested out Mirabelle earlier on the DW forum. Seeing it on there and also imagining be called that hasn't felt quite right. I did the same thing for Frysabel and that didn't really work either, I've gone off the Frizz sound at the start too.
Currently it's those three I've listed above plus Annabelle and Phoebe.
I think a lot of the names I've come up I'd happily name my daughter or a character I've created or playing, but don't feel quite like me. That suggestion of imagining being called it by my sister has helped, also it being used in the workplace.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 19, 2022 16:05:48 GMT
I really like all of those. I've always loved Lily as a name in particular. We considered it for our daughter. I think that is a fantastic name for you. Feminine, but not distractingly so or wacky or peculiar at all. I love it. I also know a lot of Jennifers and it is a fine, feminine name. Can't go wrong with any of those really.
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Post by Lily on Feb 20, 2022 2:26:40 GMT
I'm continuing my nightly updates.
Firstly I think I've seen all the names I need to see. I've been through two websites complete lists of girls names. I don't think there is another name out there waiting to be found now. I have kept a record of all those I have liked, so those I've taken off can always go back on.
Of the five on there from yesterday, I've taken two off. I've decided that I don't quite like Jennifer enough. I don't want to be that name or be called Jenny. Again it's one of those really nice feminine names that are great for others but not for me. The other name taken off is Millie, if I'm going with an -illy sound then I prefer Lily. Millie doesn't mean anything on its own but Lily is a flower.
Of the three remaining now, I have imagined my mother calling me that name and it feels OK for all three of them, fitting with Lily the most, and Annabelle the least. I'd say all three pass the test of hearing both friends and family call me these, and also referring to me as that to others. I can definitely see these being used in the workplace I can see it on ID cards, and official documents, and they all seem to fit.
There is a strike against Annabelle. My brother's name start with A, not sure I want to be another A Lastname. It's not that big of a deal, but it is something to be considered. In searching for names, I just didn't look at names beginning with K at all, because both my neice and sister-in-law have names beginning with that letter. I didn't want to be another K Lastname.
I haven't mentioned this much, if at all, on here, but part of me does want to this ultra-cute and adorable woman. That same part of me would like this ultra-cute name too. However a name is a very public thing, so while it might please a part of me to have some call by that ultra-cute name, I don't the whole world to do so. As has been said, the name becomes part of the narrative, and has more focus because I chose it and because it is new. Also while ultra-cute can work for a younger woman, I am not young. However I think all three remaining names have an aspect of that, at least for me, which is what matters. I think you could add Princess to all of these names and imagine a cute fairytale princess in a tiara. Equally these all work if you put Aunt in front of these, they all feel like a loving friendly middle-aged woman. As I already said they pass that everyday test, of being used in social circles or in the workplace.
At the moment I'd rank them like this
1) Lily - I like the idea of having the same name as a flower. It's why I was considering Daisy. I think it has a very feminine sound. There are no issues with how it is pronounced, and I'll be using the most common spelling for the name, as I'd want it to be the same as the flower. It is the cutest name of the three. I can still be the Fairy Princess of my heart with this name.
2) Phoebe - I am very fond of this name, I think from seeing that a foremother of mine had it. It has a nice combination of being somewhat exotic with its origin and spelling, but is common enough for everyone to know it, and not be seen as outlandish. It can be shortened to Fifi, and I like the idea of being called that by those I am close to.
3) Annabelle - I feel somewhat like an Anne, so being called that for short is fine. I have liked the -belle ending as it sounds so unambiguously feminine. Ranked third for the reasons I gave above. Also there have been Anne's, Anna's and Annie's in our family, not sure I want to be another one. I also think that while I like -belle names now, it might just be a passing fancy. This feels like a great middle name for me, but not the one I want everyone to call me.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 20, 2022 15:00:46 GMT
The second I saw Lily, TBH, I thought that was the winner. I think it is a great name. I really like it. Jessica approves of the path this is going.
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Post by Lily on Feb 20, 2022 15:26:31 GMT
I am pleased that you like it so much. Perhaps that's just as well as I think I've gone off Phoebe. I changed my name on the DW Discord to that, and suddenly it looked like I misspelt Phobe, and that is how it should be pronounced. I can't unsee it now. Initially I was thinking of phobias that give people anxiety, claustrophobia and the like. Then I remembered the horrible people that would deny my rights. I know everyone will see the name as it should be, but it's got into my head enough now. Perhaps it's just a temporary thing though. I'll change my name to that on here too and see if that makes any difference.
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