Post by Maria on Apr 3, 2022 16:42:45 GMT
Forgive me if this becomes a ramble, there was quite a lot to unpack from this one little moment lol.
So the moment in question was yesterday, when I was folding some laundry to put away. Whilst doing it, I was struck by the thought of "ugh, I feel so male doing this. I wish I could feel feminine whilst doing it". Then I thought through why I felt that way. The first thing that struck me was that in my head, I was perceiving this task to be innately female (because... housework). Which is of course imposed gender roles 101, and is completely ridiculous.
I then went on to question "how would this feel different if I were magically a cis woman doing this?" I got a mental picture in my mind, of what I thought it would look and feel like. But then it struck me that that is exactly what it was - me imagining what is going on in someone else's head. Even if I were observing a real person doing it, I could guess at what was going on inside them, but I could never KNOW. And then everyone is different anyway - there is absolutely no answer to "what does it feel like to be a woman doing this task", because there are as many answers to that as there are women.
I then went on to ask myself "well how would I WANT it to feel?" And the answer I got was a happy, carefree feeling, content in the knowledge that I'm looking after my family. In comparing that to how I actually felt, I realised it wasn't a million miles off. The only thing stopping me from having that exact feeling was the constant low-level dysphoria swirling around my head 24/7.
Which circled me back to one of my first questions: "what would it feel like to be a woman doing this task?" And to the rather gratifying answer that: it feels like this. Because I AM a woman doing this task. And the less nice realisation that perhaps I am still guilty of reducing people to boxes, and thinking "you are a woman and so should feel like this, and you are a man so you feel like this", when in fact everyone is unique, and whilst maybe in general may be closer to one or the other of those assumptions, will all think and feel differently because they ARE different people.
So the moment in question was yesterday, when I was folding some laundry to put away. Whilst doing it, I was struck by the thought of "ugh, I feel so male doing this. I wish I could feel feminine whilst doing it". Then I thought through why I felt that way. The first thing that struck me was that in my head, I was perceiving this task to be innately female (because... housework). Which is of course imposed gender roles 101, and is completely ridiculous.
I then went on to question "how would this feel different if I were magically a cis woman doing this?" I got a mental picture in my mind, of what I thought it would look and feel like. But then it struck me that that is exactly what it was - me imagining what is going on in someone else's head. Even if I were observing a real person doing it, I could guess at what was going on inside them, but I could never KNOW. And then everyone is different anyway - there is absolutely no answer to "what does it feel like to be a woman doing this task", because there are as many answers to that as there are women.
I then went on to ask myself "well how would I WANT it to feel?" And the answer I got was a happy, carefree feeling, content in the knowledge that I'm looking after my family. In comparing that to how I actually felt, I realised it wasn't a million miles off. The only thing stopping me from having that exact feeling was the constant low-level dysphoria swirling around my head 24/7.
Which circled me back to one of my first questions: "what would it feel like to be a woman doing this task?" And to the rather gratifying answer that: it feels like this. Because I AM a woman doing this task. And the less nice realisation that perhaps I am still guilty of reducing people to boxes, and thinking "you are a woman and so should feel like this, and you are a man so you feel like this", when in fact everyone is unique, and whilst maybe in general may be closer to one or the other of those assumptions, will all think and feel differently because they ARE different people.