Post by Lily on Jun 21, 2022 5:59:28 GMT
I was tempted to just tack this onto another existing thread, but it felt too significant to do that.
As mentioned in the Fashion Tips section, I have acquired my first item of make-up, some red lipstick. I picked it up with the other items on Saturday, and it had been laying there where I put it since then. This is mainly because unlike wearing clothes I cannot simply and quickly get changed, I need to do it when no-one could possibly see it. It also seemed a bigger step to take than just putting on a new top or skirt, and so it proved.
This morning while everyone was either asleep or about to go to bed, I decided that now was a good time. I also felt very much in the mood to femme up too. I changed into my red swimsuit with a plain black skirt, and then applied the lipstick. As it was my first time it wasn't the best job, a little bit was applied to the skin and not just the lips, but I did OK for a beginner.
Very similar to how I was anxious before wearing a dress for the first time, I was worried that I might look ridiculous with it on. However I didn't, I felt more like the woman that I am. I was literally colouring a piece of me, making the picture more complete. I felt happy and content in how I looked. Quite close to those Faceapp'd pictures of me that I've posted in the Gallery section.
After I had finished admiring myself, I watched some TV on my laptop. However I wasn't quite done seeing myself, so I moved a small mirror next to me so that I could just turn and see myself again. I frequently did so, just to soak this initial experience in a bit more. I noticed how often I was smiling when I turned and looked.
After that I held the mirror up to myself. I really peered at myself and saw even more of who I am inside looking back at me. Indeed the more I peered and focused, the more I saw the woman I am. I think it was because I wasn't just seeing me admiring myself. It was because I could myself thinking about what I was seeing. I was doing more than just smiling and/or posing, and so my reflected image felt more real and alive.
I've had a lot of doubts about my journey over the past few days, and so this experience will be useful in helping me re-examine some of those. I might write about those doubts and share them with you in the next few days
Overall I had a much better sense of how I'd really look if I presented female to the world. I was happy with what I saw, and what I saw was the closest match to who I am inside than I've seen.
Lily
As mentioned in the Fashion Tips section, I have acquired my first item of make-up, some red lipstick. I picked it up with the other items on Saturday, and it had been laying there where I put it since then. This is mainly because unlike wearing clothes I cannot simply and quickly get changed, I need to do it when no-one could possibly see it. It also seemed a bigger step to take than just putting on a new top or skirt, and so it proved.
This morning while everyone was either asleep or about to go to bed, I decided that now was a good time. I also felt very much in the mood to femme up too. I changed into my red swimsuit with a plain black skirt, and then applied the lipstick. As it was my first time it wasn't the best job, a little bit was applied to the skin and not just the lips, but I did OK for a beginner.
Very similar to how I was anxious before wearing a dress for the first time, I was worried that I might look ridiculous with it on. However I didn't, I felt more like the woman that I am. I was literally colouring a piece of me, making the picture more complete. I felt happy and content in how I looked. Quite close to those Faceapp'd pictures of me that I've posted in the Gallery section.
After I had finished admiring myself, I watched some TV on my laptop. However I wasn't quite done seeing myself, so I moved a small mirror next to me so that I could just turn and see myself again. I frequently did so, just to soak this initial experience in a bit more. I noticed how often I was smiling when I turned and looked.
After that I held the mirror up to myself. I really peered at myself and saw even more of who I am inside looking back at me. Indeed the more I peered and focused, the more I saw the woman I am. I think it was because I wasn't just seeing me admiring myself. It was because I could myself thinking about what I was seeing. I was doing more than just smiling and/or posing, and so my reflected image felt more real and alive.
I've had a lot of doubts about my journey over the past few days, and so this experience will be useful in helping me re-examine some of those. I might write about those doubts and share them with you in the next few days
Overall I had a much better sense of how I'd really look if I presented female to the world. I was happy with what I saw, and what I saw was the closest match to who I am inside than I've seen.
Lily