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Post by angela on Aug 8, 2022 17:58:10 GMT
My daughter joins my brothers in ignoring my struggle altogether. With the added condition that she will tell my wife if I ever bring it up again. Not that she is talking to me anyway.And yes I know I am overlapping my first post with you girls. But until I get my whole story out there. There may be some of that and perhaps you will tell me to be quiet. I know I get tired of it too. In short I feel embarrassed and ashamed to raise the subject even amongst those who know. Perhaps you girls could suggest another avenue for me since it seems obvious that I need to get it out of my system. I know I should seea therapist but there is no way to do that without alerting my wife that there is a problem. I feel ashamed for all of the precious time I waste in thinking about and finding outlets for this closeted life.
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Post by Maria on Aug 8, 2022 19:33:19 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter has reacted like that. Please remember though that how other people react says more about them, (and perhaps even more so the state of the world at the moment) than it does you. For such a long time, the only thing people have known about trans people is what they see in the media, which has historically almost always been negative. So if that's their only frame of reference, it goes a long way to explaining their negative reactions. Those depictions and the way they portray trans people can even seep into our own minds, making us feel like there is something "wrong" with us. I don't know if you're familiar with the term "internalised transphobia"? I know it's something that I struggled with for a long time, and still do to an extent, although thankfully nowhere near as badly nowadays. In terms of outlets, honestly the best one for me is this forum and the friends that I've made here. I know I sound like I'm on commission, but it really has made such a positive difference for me. And seriously, no one is going to tell you to be quiet, or not be interested, or judge you negatively for anything that you say here. Even though our journeys are all slightly different, so we perhaps won't have been through exactly the same circumstances, the fact that we do have so much common ground in our experiences means that we know how lonely it can feel, and how good it feels to have someone listen and understand. So please don't feel like you aren't welcome to share here, because I promise that you are, and that anything you do say or ask will be met with responses of kindness, empathy and understanding. As to other outlets (there goes my commission ) I don't know if you use or are familiar with Reddit at all, but there are some really good subreddits on there with different approaches - some are better for asking and receiving advice, others are less serious and are for people to put up funny memes and pictures that relate to the trans experience. I think that was one of the most important things for me with breaking through that aforementioned internalised transphobia, was just being able to relate to the things that were being posted, and being able to laugh at the comedy shared really did help with normalising that this is something that a LOT more people than we perhaps realise are going through. Alternatively there are some really good trans and trans-supportive Youtubers, again depending on whether you want something more educational or a light-hearted, feel-good, funny sort of video. I can send you some suggestions if you think that is something that might help? I know that because we have to keep so much stuff hidden from everyone else, it can be quite daunting to know where to start when the opportunity to safely share it becomes available. So maybe to start you might want to share how you picked your name? It's a lovely name - I don't think I know any other Angelas, so you will be unique in my mind!
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Post by Lily on Aug 8, 2022 20:23:45 GMT
From your words I can tell you are having a really hard time of it. Your family are making your life so hard you. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug.
Maria has given you lots of good advice in her post. I'll just add that here you are already seen and loved as the woman that you are. I think that this is the most important benefit we all get from using this forum.
Take care,
Lily
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Post by chloé on Aug 9, 2022 5:32:30 GMT
Hi Angela, I’m sorry for you, trans isn’t accepted in the world, Maria is right and explained it very well, especially in our own family. In my family, I think I will never say it to my children and my wife reaction was clearly bad. I didn’t try once again. I think I will lose her. The best thing actually is here for us girls you have girl-friends ❤️💋😘
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Post by Jessica on Aug 9, 2022 13:03:44 GMT
I'll echo the sentiment of our last post. I am sorry you've had such a tough time, but we can certainly understand at least to some degree. Don't worry about feeling "needy", that is what this forum is for. Welcome!
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