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Post by Kelli Ann on Jun 15, 2021 20:03:03 GMT
Just a little about myself. My girl name is Kelli Ann and I am definitely a closeted trans girl.
Like everyone else I have always felt different all of my life and started dressing when I was in my late thirties very privately when my wife and family was away. Oh how I enjoyed it. I am now in my fifties and was recently discovered by my beautiful wife. She was checking my iPad for a link to something completely different and found a link that I had saved about feminine hypnosis. That started the downhill slide. I came somewhat clean and told her my story. She is having a really tough time. That was one and a half years ago and we are still together but thing are really different. She does not allow me any Kelli Ann time and I can no longer shave my body. It is her way or the highway and I feel like I am going to explode. Anyway I love my wife dearly but I have to choose between Kelli Ann and her and every day I feel more feminine. I want so much to express my girlie side but I have came to terms that it may never ever happen again.
I have real daily feminine emotions and thoughts and I know that I am a woman on the inside and the pain and the need for further exploration is really taking its toll. Not only do I crave satisfying my girlie urges but am constantly thinking about living life as a woman and it makes me very happy. I feel I need some real emotional support.
Anyway I am so glad I found this new site and am proud to be one of the pioneering members here and definitely will participate.
Thank you Jessica for creating this forum and I look very forward in participating.
Hugs,
Kelli Ann
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Post by Jessica on Jun 16, 2021 0:42:57 GMT
Kelli Ann! So glad to have you here. You are among friends!
I am sorry you are having a rough time with your wife. I am married too (in my 30s currently) and my wife knows nothing about it. I am very careful to keep it that way, but always worried she will find out. I am afraid my wife would react similarly. I should probably start a topic about this sometime.....keeping our secret and the toll it takes.
That really stinks that is how you have to live. I am glad you found the forum, though. This is exactly what I made it for. I wanted a place where I could provide emotional support, and get it, for and from others like us. We understand how you feel and what you must be going through and it really sucks.
Feel free to let Kelli Ann out here and we can talk about it!
Hugs, Jessica
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Post by Jessica on Jun 16, 2021 23:28:59 GMT
Kelli Ann,
I'll probably start a thread on the topic of the emotional toll of keeping the secret and the fear of other's reactions on the main forum tomorrow. But feel free to start it yourself if you want. You have great insight. It would be the first thread started by someone other than me outside the intros forum.
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Post by curioushabit on Jun 17, 2021 0:39:17 GMT
This isn't easy for either of you. I feel for you both. I think my wife and I have an amazing relationship, and still, my peculiarities are difficult for her. I have been pretty honest with her about my feelings, though I have spent a lot of effort introducing her to these thoughts over time, and not all at once. To find out suddenly.. That's got to be jarring. There's probably a lot of emotions there. To hide your feelings for so long... a lot of emotions there, too. It really sucks that men are often not allowed to have feminine feelings, interests, or leanings. To expect men to always be "manly" is no more reasonable than to expect that women should be "barefoot and pregnant". And yet, the double-standard continues. In my experience, it's never great for a relationship to have a sudden revelation like this. It causes a lot of fears and uncertainties. Nobody is 'wrong' here. It's just that suddenly everything you thought you knew is called into question. I don't know enough about you or your wife to say much about your particular situation, but if I have any advice, it would be this: If you have the ability, try to find some professional counselling. If you want to keep your marriage intact, you and your wife need to be able to come back together, rather than be pushed farther apart. This can only happen with empathy for each others perspective. You both need some understanding from the other, if you are going to be able to rebuild the trust that has been lost. (on both sides). I hope you can work though this, and that things work out better for you in the future!
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Post by Jessica on Jun 18, 2021 14:47:53 GMT
Wow that is some great analysis, Curious. I never thought of it that way. That it could be the secret itself, and not the content of the secret that could be troubling. It makes sense. Like, "Wow, if they hid all this from me what else are they hiding? Do I even know this person?"
I have never thought about it that way. Very interesting.
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Hi There!
Jun 18, 2021 21:02:38 GMT
via mobile
Post by chloé on Jun 18, 2021 21:02:38 GMT
This isn't easy for either of you. I feel for you both. I think my wife and I have an amazing relationship, and still, my peculiarities are difficult for her. I have been pretty honest with her about my feelings, though I have spent a lot of effort introducing her to these thoughts over time, and not all at once. To find out suddenly.. That's got to be jarring. There's probably a lot of emotions there. To hide your feelings for so long... a lot of emotions there, too. It really sucks that men are often not allowed to have feminine feelings, interests, or leanings. To expect men to always be "manly" is no more reasonable than to expect that women should be "barefoot and pregnant". And yet, the double-standard continues. In my experience, it's never great for a relationship to have a sudden revelation like this. It causes a lot of fears and uncertainties. Nobody is 'wrong' here. It's just that suddenly everything you thought you knew is called into question. I don't know enough about you or your wife to say much about your particular situation, but if I have any advice, it would be this: If you have the ability, try to find some professional counselling. If you want to keep your marriage intact, you and your wife need to be able to come back together, rather than be pushed farther apart. This can only happen with empathy for each others perspective. You both need some understanding from the other, if you are going to be able to rebuild the trust that has been lost. (on both sides). I hope you can work though this, and that things work out better for you in the future! That is exactly what my wife thought. That she doesn’t know me really and after the revelation she couldn’t see me as the manly man during weeks. The worse was that I created picture of Chloé with my feminized face on my dream bodies, busty and curvy ( you will see some samples on my introduction thread) She found it and she recognised me in the picture. It was hard to live with this. I had to lie to her and to tell her that it was finished. But it wasn’t… Chloé was still living.
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