Post by angela on Jun 6, 2023 12:04:28 GMT
Hey girlfriends,
I often contemplate whether or not I am genuinely trans. My thoughts on this are shaped by an event that started my feminine journey. Would I have ended up here anyway or was this event my drug that I was instantly addicted to? I have related this story before so forgive me for being so redundant. But on Halloween evening in 1976 one month from my twelfth birthday my step sister Brenda dared me to dress up as a girl and walk with her up to the convenience store on the corner. There was an old yard across from the store, the school house had long before been torn down but the playground remained. In that playground that evening were some neighborhood boys hanging out. They began to catcall us. We hid in a storage building next to the store until Brenda found the courage to run home I was too scared to budge. Eventually Brenda and her mom returned to fetch me and walk me home. Oddly outside of walking back to the house I remember nothing else about the evening. I don't even remember any further thoughts about what had happened. But two weeks later Brenda would reissue her dare. But this time my dad and her mom drove us to the store. This time we made it inside the store. I was so nervous I hung my head . Brenda called me by some girl name but I do not recall what it was. A female store clerk recognized me and said in a harsh tone " A little early for Halloween don't you think"?! I could tell from her tone she did not approve of my activity. Again I have no memory of any of the rest of the evening. And even all these years later I find it odd that my dad allowed it to happen. He always told my stepmother Peggy not to coddle us he didn't want us to be one sissies.( My brothers and I). The other oddity isicant remember resisting Brenda's dare either time. But the one thing I do know and remember is that despite Brenda be er again bringing a y of this up I found myself longing to experience girlhood again and again. But now it was in the closet private. Using whatever alone time I could find to slip into Brenda's clothes and pose in front of the mirror practicing being a girl. I would like in bed at night before calling asleep fantasizing about life as a girl. I found myself fantasizing about having g a boyfriend. He would hold my hand as we walked carry my books to class. Dance with me at parties. Kiss me. I even took to wearing a castoffbra I found in the garbage. Black lace front clasp( broken) I used one of Peggy's broa he's to keep it closed. All until I fell asleep and woke up the next morning still wearing it. I then threw it away for good. Over the years I have allowed myself to think what I might be likenowuf not for that Halloween night and subsequent dare. Or if I was given the choice of two pillsa pink one and I could live openly asa girl. A blue one and would've we have experienced any of the feminine desires. The thought of the blue pill gave me that awful feeling in my chest when you are extremely sad and are about to cry. Would Angela exist without Halloween!?
I often contemplate whether or not I am genuinely trans. My thoughts on this are shaped by an event that started my feminine journey. Would I have ended up here anyway or was this event my drug that I was instantly addicted to? I have related this story before so forgive me for being so redundant. But on Halloween evening in 1976 one month from my twelfth birthday my step sister Brenda dared me to dress up as a girl and walk with her up to the convenience store on the corner. There was an old yard across from the store, the school house had long before been torn down but the playground remained. In that playground that evening were some neighborhood boys hanging out. They began to catcall us. We hid in a storage building next to the store until Brenda found the courage to run home I was too scared to budge. Eventually Brenda and her mom returned to fetch me and walk me home. Oddly outside of walking back to the house I remember nothing else about the evening. I don't even remember any further thoughts about what had happened. But two weeks later Brenda would reissue her dare. But this time my dad and her mom drove us to the store. This time we made it inside the store. I was so nervous I hung my head . Brenda called me by some girl name but I do not recall what it was. A female store clerk recognized me and said in a harsh tone " A little early for Halloween don't you think"?! I could tell from her tone she did not approve of my activity. Again I have no memory of any of the rest of the evening. And even all these years later I find it odd that my dad allowed it to happen. He always told my stepmother Peggy not to coddle us he didn't want us to be one sissies.( My brothers and I). The other oddity isicant remember resisting Brenda's dare either time. But the one thing I do know and remember is that despite Brenda be er again bringing a y of this up I found myself longing to experience girlhood again and again. But now it was in the closet private. Using whatever alone time I could find to slip into Brenda's clothes and pose in front of the mirror practicing being a girl. I would like in bed at night before calling asleep fantasizing about life as a girl. I found myself fantasizing about having g a boyfriend. He would hold my hand as we walked carry my books to class. Dance with me at parties. Kiss me. I even took to wearing a castoffbra I found in the garbage. Black lace front clasp( broken) I used one of Peggy's broa he's to keep it closed. All until I fell asleep and woke up the next morning still wearing it. I then threw it away for good. Over the years I have allowed myself to think what I might be likenowuf not for that Halloween night and subsequent dare. Or if I was given the choice of two pillsa pink one and I could live openly asa girl. A blue one and would've we have experienced any of the feminine desires. The thought of the blue pill gave me that awful feeling in my chest when you are extremely sad and are about to cry. Would Angela exist without Halloween!?