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Post by Lily on Jun 22, 2021 20:52:51 GMT
Please send help girls
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Post by Maria on Jun 22, 2021 21:03:47 GMT
Are you ok?
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Post by Lily on Jun 22, 2021 21:18:17 GMT
I don't know. I tried it all on Maria. In the mirror I saw a pretty girl wearing the summer dress, a beautiful woman wearing the cocktail dress. I had thighs above my stocking tops. I was doing cute poses. Even before I started I tied my hair into a side ponytail.
I thought I wouldn't look that great, but I did. I didn't want to take it off. I'm so confused right now.
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Post by Lily on Jun 22, 2021 21:20:40 GMT
When I saw my thighs between my cocktail dress and the stockings, I started breathing heavily.
One thing I know for sure now is that is in no way a kink. I was not aroused at all. I was just loving it.
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Post by Maria on Jun 22, 2021 21:30:40 GMT
Ohhh sending big virtual hugs (if wanted!) That sounds to me a lot like gender euphoria 😃 I remember the first time I tried a dress and thinking how right it felt. And then the first time wearing a push-up bra, rather than trying to fill that area with a clunky arrangement of socks, and seeing how right it looked in the mirror, and thinking "that's not artificial padding, that's... me". But I also know exactly what you mean about not wanting to have to take it off. It feels like having to surrender back into a prison of which you never knew you were an inmate 😔 I guess just focus on the positives for as long as you can, and whether to share in that joy or to commiserate when it has to end for the time being, remember that we're all here for you if you want/need to talk. Xx
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Post by Lily on Jun 22, 2021 21:46:34 GMT
I'll take all the hugs I can get, I wish they weren't virtual.
Taking it off is fine. I probably needed to do so to clear my head.
It was how good I looked that blew me away. I wasn't expecting to be able to see myself in a mirror. I don't have one in my room, but I was able to "borrow" a full length one. I;m so glad I did.
I honestly thought that I might be repulsed by what I saw, or just "Oh well that was nice but..." I thought I might only like it all except my manly face on top of it all, but my long hair distracted a bit, plus the glasses too.
The bra made a big difference, giving me a decent breast shape. Plus I had a good base to start with. I have long hair. I look quite young for my age. I don't have a particularly masculine face. I have slender hands and arms.
It felt great. I looked great. It made me realise that this is a lot bigger than I thought it was even today, nevermind last week.
I'm just trying to process it all.
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Post by Maria on Jun 22, 2021 22:18:04 GMT
I'm really happy for you that it was such a positive experience 😃 I imagine it probably is quite overwhelming and a little scary, but I guess it's good that it was such a strong feeling. Starts to answer some questions, maybe (even if it only answers each one with 10 new questions!) I think my moment of realisation that this was more deep-rooted than I'd thought came after a weekend of being able to dress completely female for the two days. I woke up on the Monday morning, went to take off my nightdress and burst into tears... Something of a red flag 😂 If you want a sounding board, or someone to talk to, I'll be here 🙂 xx
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Post by Lily on Jun 22, 2021 22:55:04 GMT
Thank you Maria. I really appreciate it. Two days. I think that might do it for me too. I just had two hours this evening and look at me. Apart from the bigger question of what it means for gender identify. Which is " " for me right now. It's two things 1) the absolute regret of taking so long to get there, for thinking it was a kink, or not a big a deal. Yes, I've got here now, but I'm fifty-bleeping-two. I actually burst into tears while still dressed at thought. I am now too. Add it to all the regrets of being forever single and not having kids. I just let the years drift by Maria, I really did. 2) I literally don't know how long I can financially afford this. I think I'm going to find out what's beneath rock bottom on that front before too long. This felt a bit like the one and done spree on this, but now I know I need more. I absolutely loved those two hours dressed up, it was wonderful. It was like I finally allowed myself to be happy. I'm going to carry on dressing as much I safely can. Nothing and no-one is going to stop me doing that. I'm also going to try to help make this site grow too. Thanks Maria, I can't say how much I appreciate you listening and responding tonight. This was such a huge experience for me and I'm glad you were here for me. xox
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Post by Lily on Jun 23, 2021 4:53:30 GMT
So after I replied to Maria. I sat and cried, and got into a spiral of depression mainly over point 1. I also tried to do some comfort shopping looking for a pleated mini-skirt, but couldn't find one I wanted. I put away all my clothes, hugging them and thanking them for the great job they did. Eventually I got myself together enough to get a drink from the kitchen, then came back upstairs. I ate my bar of chocolate and drank my lemon tea. I then heard my nephew going to bed. I was now free again to get dressed up. I put on my summer dress, and began to take some photos. I smiled and posed working out best angles and lighting. I told myself how beautiful I looked, which I believed, this was no false pep talk. "You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise". I felt a lot better at that point, and almost went to bed, then I thought that today was a special day, so I should pose and smile in my cocktail dress too. I took a ton more photos, and the smiles became more and more warm and genuine. Even through the grey stubble and blotchy skin I was still amazed at how pretty I looked. I am so glad I did this. I had been thinking that this had been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life, and here I was depressed and crying. Instead now I'm able to happily write this post still wearing my red dress. I plan to upload some of the photos somewhere somehow (advice on this would be welcome) Then you can all see them, and then pay me the biggest compliments you can think of I don't regret anything I've done since joining this forum, but this is still a tough time for me. I feel I've gone through two identity crises, and I haven't even been here a week yet. So any advice or support you can give me would be warmly welcomed. xoxo Woori-Mei
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Post by Maria on Jun 23, 2021 8:34:45 GMT
My pleasure Woori-Mei 😃 I know it's hard but I would say try not to dwell on the fact that you've only reached this point now. Your life and experiences are unique, and had you reached this point sooner, those would have been different. And then you would not be the person you are today. Rather than letting the might-have-beens cloud this happy experience, be happy that what was has got you to here. I've heard about someone who came out as trans at 90 years old! So it's never too late to search for answers! That's a lovely idea taking pictures to commemorate the occasion though. And I'm glad it cheered you up 🙂 I never had any interest in selfies before, but now have a growing (hidden) album on my phone with them all in. Now I want chocolate though... how dare you 😡🤣
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Post by Lily on Jun 23, 2021 16:13:11 GMT
Maria,
Thank you for your words. Before I start, please don't think any of this post is said in anger or annoyance. Your advice is sound, well-intentioned and sent with love. I truly appreciate the time and thought you spent into saying what you have. I also do not wish to presume how tough your life has been either.
My life and experiences are unique, but I wouldn't have wished them onto anyone else. Since my father died when I was just 8, it has been one unhappy or stressful set of circumstances after another, with precious few happy times to reflect back on. Right now I cannot in any way think that at least it all led me here. In fact I believe it delayed the discovery not led to it. I believe I would have been happier and led a more successful life. That I would be an improved version of myself, not a different version. That I would have loved and not hated myself, and so would not have given up on myself as I have done.
Before I came to this forum, I have had very negative emotions as to the life I have led, and have been leading. It is that this new discovery has put a microscope to what I had already been feeling. None of those emotions were anything concerning my gender, so I feel it would be unfair and inappropriate to go into those here, as much I may or may not wish to do so. After all this is the Closeted Transgirls forum not the Woes of Woori-Mei blog
I am trying not to tell dwell on it, as the past is gone and so there's nothing I can do about it. Right now I'm just taking it one day at a time. I want to extract every last ounce of joy of my new discovery, by living in the moment and revelling in what I found. I am trying to let the past be in the past, and to worry about the future when it comes.
There's more to say about what I discovered but I'll put that on a separate post, as this will go on forever otherwise. I just wanted to address the issue of the regrets I've had.
Love,
Woori-Mei
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Post by Lily on Jun 23, 2021 17:00:55 GMT
Me right now but minus the hat. Her boobs are larger than I'd like but I'd love those legs, especially the thighs
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Post by Maria on Jun 23, 2021 17:12:15 GMT
I'm so sorry if what I wrote caused any upset, that's absolutely not what I was hoping for. I was going for positive and uplifting, but re-reading what I wrote now, I can see how it can also come across very differently. Like you say, I know nothing of your experiences or what you've been through, so I hope it didn't seem like I was trying to minimise or invalidate those things. My offer is still there for if you want someone to talk to about anything, and if you do, I will try to word things better so that I don't put my foot in it again! Maria
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Post by Lily on Jun 23, 2021 17:22:41 GMT
Don't worry Maria, it was fine. <CONSOLING HUGS>
I understood where you were coming from. Please don't feel bad really. You weren't to know. I really love to talking to you. I wish we could do so more often.
Having the support from you and everyone else here means the world to me. This is so much better than phoning a helpline, or talking to a professional. I know you've been through all this yourselves, and that you're doing this out of love and friendship, and not professional duty.
Woori-Mei
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Post by chloé on Jun 23, 2021 17:54:36 GMT
Hi my dear, I’m sorry, I would have like being earlier in this discussion to support you. I would like to be with you to hold you in my arms. I saw all your happiness and distress in your words. I’m happy you find Woori in your new clothes. You must be gorgeous, I’m sure. I like your picture, it is very cute my chubby friend. Take your time and enjoy. I remember when I ordered my high heels. I was overwhelmed by the feelings. I didn’t want to take them off, neither my skirt. I wanted to order other clothes and even silicone breasts but impossible with my family, then enjoy and discover your inner reality in order that she becomes your reality. It’s just a beginning for Woori. You know I’ll be there for you when you need. Your feelings are beautiful, they are so strong. Have you read « a woman’s passion » of alan Barry. I love this book. It is a TG story. Kiss and hugs Chloé
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