|
Post by Lily on Jun 23, 2021 18:17:58 GMT
Hi Chloe, Thank you very much, I would so love to be held right now. It's sunny outside so I put on the dress to match What I am trying to do is enjoy this new experience. I've held back from this for far too long, and always put the needs of everyone else before my own. I know though that finding and enjoying myself as Woori-Mei is the priority, above all other things, and that I am to embrace this new discovery and not shy away from it. As I said to Maria, the support I've received on here has meant the world to me. I greatly appreciate your offer of support, and gladly return the offer should you ever need it. I feel that I've made more friends on here in the past week than I have done in the past decade. I will look out for that story you recommended. For myself I find that I understand more about feelings from art, so I'm sure I'll find some value in reading it. Love, Woori-Mei
|
|
|
Post by chloé on Jun 23, 2021 18:45:16 GMT
Hi, I’m so glad for you. I’d love being able to choose my clothe and try it when I want. Skirts, dress, heels, bras… With my family it isn’t possible. It makes me very sad, I can’t live my life as Chloé, moreover I’m very manly and it’s difficult, my wife sees only the body of a very man I have. I can’t live my life as I want, it’s sometimes very difficult hopefully I have you and the other girls. Thank you for being here for me too. I need it. I love sharing with you my inner feelings, it reduced the pressure I have in me. Chloé is alive because of all of you. I wait for with impatience the departure of my wife in 2 weeks for some days of holydays with the children. Chloé will arrive. I think I will buy some clothes. I hug and kiss you Woori Love
Chloé
|
|
|
Post by Lily on Jun 23, 2021 18:56:15 GMT
Last night while I was getting depressed and crying last night, I noticed something.
I had already changed back into my t-shirt and jogging bottoms, but now they felt totally different. It felt I was wearing the wrong clothes, and that this was the real dressing up, the real pretend. I was wearing the clothes of a man, but now if felt they only matched my body, but not my soul. That Woori-Mei was being made to wear them.
When I went downstairs for that drink I saw my reflection in the window, instead of seeing the man there before me, I was looking for Woori-Mei instead, looking for the long-haired woman I had seen earlier in the mirror. I saw her too, but she wasn't as happy as before, she had been crying you see.
I've noticed that the difference between seeing Woori-Mei and Robert (can't keep calling him male-me) is in the hair. That even in a dress if I pull my hair back and look like I have short hair then Robert reappears. Take the hairband off and brush to the sides and Woori-Mei comes back, even if I'm wearing Robert's clothes.
I've looked after myself today but gaining some more privacy. I told my sister that I was having a tough time of it right now, and that I wasn't to be disturbed in my room, that I needed some time to myself. Both my sister and I suffer from bad mental health and low moods from time-to-time, so she understood without inquiring any further. I said that I'd still be about whenever I was able to deal with other things. This has given me the freedom over the next four days or so to dress up in my room. This gives me a chance to fully embrace what I discovered last night. I don't have to wait for a safe timeslot to do so, one that could end at any moment.
As it's been sunny today, I've put on my summer dress and am wearing my stockings. I have occaisonally got my phone out just to admire my new self. I admire her and smile, then see her i.e. me, smiling back at myself. This gives me a tremendous amount of happiness and contentment. That even if others can't see me, Woori-Mei, that I can at least. I can see that she exists, and that I am her and not that imagined version I have in my head.
|
|
|
Post by Maria on Jun 23, 2021 19:45:05 GMT
The bits about clothes and hair were like you were reading my mind. For a while my theory was that having my hair down around my face made it look rounder and therefore more feminine. Then one day when it was really hot, I put it in a side braid, and still felt girly, so that destroyed that logic 😂 I've now worked out that just being able to see it helps (although having it down or styled in a feminine way is best). Even just flicking it so that it is resting over my shoulder, so it's visible out the corner of my eye.
|
|
|
Post by Lily on Jun 23, 2021 22:01:36 GMT
On the hair thing, I took notice of the fact that before I tried everything on, that I changed my hair to a more feminine style. Furthermore I hadn't had any thought of doing so before the moment I decided to. I think it isn't just how it make us look, as with all of this, it's how it makes us feel too. You said about flicking your hair, I noticed that the very act of the styling that I did felt feminine, and that felt very right.
I just got dressed as Robert, well outerwear anyway, which didn't feel so bad now. It wasn't so much like I was putting on a disguise, I was just changing clothes. I tied my hair back as I always have. When I saw my reflection I felt that I wasn't looking for Woori-Mei, that right now I'm Robert and that's OK. Some of it was the fact that my hair was short at the front. I wasn't looking because there was a huge indicator saying that she wasn't there. Also perhaps it was that I was in more control of myself than last night. Then I had recently been hit by a huge wave of gender euphoria, and so that was how affecting how I was. Not that makes that feeling invalid of course, far from it. I would say that it just puts into a new perspective.
|
|
|
Post by Jessica on Jun 24, 2021 2:57:59 GMT
I don't know. I tried it all on Maria. In the mirror I saw a pretty girl wearing the summer dress, a beautiful woman wearing the cocktail dress. I had thighs above my stocking tops. I was doing cute poses. Even before I started I tied my hair into a side ponytail. I thought I wouldn't look that great, but I did. I didn't want to take it off. I'm so confused right now. This is so awesome. I am glad you got to do it! It is so much fun isn't it? -Jess
|
|
|
Post by Jessica on Jun 24, 2021 2:59:21 GMT
Ohhh sending big virtual hugs (if wanted!) That sounds to me a lot like gender euphoria 😃 I remember the first time I tried a dress and thinking how right it felt. And then the first time wearing a push-up bra, rather than trying to fill that area with a clunky arrangement of socks, and seeing how right it looked in the mirror, and thinking "that's not artificial padding, that's... me". But I also know exactly what you mean about not wanting to have to take it off. It feels like having to surrender back into a prison of which you never knew you were an inmate 😔 I guess just focus on the positives for as long as you can, and whether to share in that joy or to commiserate when it has to end for the time being, remember that we're all here for you if you want/need to talk. Xx Man I love that we can just talk about this with folks that understand....that totally get it. This is EXACTLY why I started this place haha.
|
|
|
Post by Jessica on Jun 24, 2021 3:02:03 GMT
Thank you Maria. I really appreciate it. Two days. I think that might do it for me too. I just had two hours this evening and look at me. Apart from the bigger question of what it means for gender identify. Which is " " for me right now. It's two things 1) the absolute regret of taking so long to get there, for thinking it was a kink, or not a big a deal. Yes, I've got here now, but I'm fifty-bleeping-two. I actually burst into tears while still dressed at thought. I am now too. Add it to all the regrets of being forever single and not having kids. I just let the years drift by Maria, I really did. 2) I literally don't know how long I can financially afford this. I think I'm going to find out what's beneath rock bottom on that front before too long. This felt a bit like the one and done spree on this, but now I know I need more. I absolutely loved those two hours dressed up, it was wonderful. It was like I finally allowed myself to be happy. I'm going to carry on dressing as much I safely can. Nothing and no-one is going to stop me doing that. I'm also going to try to help make this site grow too. Thanks Maria, I can't say how much I appreciate you listening and responding tonight. This was such a huge experience for me and I'm glad you were here for me. xox Yeah the financial hit can be rough. Women's clothes are more expensive than men's, in general, too. Keep that in mind. I sometimes regret the probably thousands of dollars I've probably spent over my life on clothes that rarely get used and usually end up thrown away eventually Be careful Woori-Mei.
|
|
|
Post by Jessica on Jun 24, 2021 3:05:29 GMT
It has been a very rough week for you Woori-Mei. I have to imagine it will get better and more stable as the newness of this feeling wears off and it becomes more normal. I am sure if I was on the ride you were on, I would be an emotional wreck too! Sending you hugs and kisses from across the pond. So happy we can be there for each other at this time!
|
|
|
Post by Lily on Jun 24, 2021 3:40:19 GMT
Jess,
I could have never done any of this without this site. I truly can't thank you enough. I think that this was the best possible way for me do all this. To have the opportunity to express myself how I want. Just being able to type in exactly how I felt, and to know that it would be read with understanding and not judgement. No-one here has told me what I am or what to do, it's all been just little suggestions here and there, or "simply" words of support. That was so much better than talking to a helpline or getting professional advice, or just reading a list of "10 signs that you are Y" on the internet. Listening to others' experience really helped me understand mine.
I can't say for sure why I suddenly had the urge to view Emory's work again, but I did. So much so I joined Patreon for the very first time. Then he linked to this forum just a few days after, and that was the day after I felt a need to tell my friend. If I believed in such things, I would say it was written in the stars.
love,
Woori-Mei
|
|