Post by Lily on Jun 26, 2021 23:22:53 GMT
Hello girls, it's me again, the chubbiest of us all. This is a bit of a slow burner but please stick with it if you have the time.
About 11 years ago I got into Kpop, or rather Girls' Generation. I discovered a couple of their songs and really liked them. They had nine members, the first successful girl group to be that large. They were the biggest Kpop girl group back then, and they had a very dedicated fanbase.
One time I probably I got bored and started watching a variety show appearance, before then I had only listened to some music or watched their music videos. I honestly can't say which show it was, but that doesn't matter. What I saw was there was not the polished performance and sheen of a Kpop group, but nine young women all with varied personalities, essentially just goofing around and having fun with each other. Joking, teasing, taunting, and laughing, most importantly them just enjoying each other's company. I saw all the fun that young women get up to when they're on their own. It was then I went from being just liking them, to being a proper fan. I was hooked, I couldn't get enough of seeing the fun friendship that they all shared, not just as all nine, but also in pairs, trios etc. I soon devoured this amazing new content, downloading all that I couldn't simply stream.
Two of them featured in a separate show, that also starred members of other girl groups. This show was called Invincible Youth. The concept was that for one full day each week, they would all get together and work on a farm, growing and picking crops and tending to livestock. As the show progressed you got to see new friendships develop between each member of the group. I loved that even more than other shows I had seen, because I saw these relationships blossom in front of me, while also still having the usual fun, silly, and sometimes touching times that you get in such shows.
All of my male friends thought that I was a bit weird for getting into Kpop, but they didn't tease me about it either. I think they assumed I just watched and leered as these hot young women danced and gyrated on the stage. However I never saw them like that, never once did I get aroused by their performances, neither did I imagine "dating" them. I saw them all as the hard-working and complex women that they were. Something inside me stopped me looking at them in a sexual way, and probably a romantic way too, because I can't say I ever formed a crush on any of them either. There were ones that I looked the look of more, but my favourites were always those whose personality gelled with me the most. You might say those that I would want to most become friends with. Despite all that I thought at the time that all I'm getting here is some time with some pretty young women, with nice personalities, some substitutes for real romantic relationships i.e. surrogate girlfriends.
Yesterday it dawned on me the real reason that I had been so drawn into this world. What I was getting from this was not about fulfilling a heterosexual need for female companionship. It was the fulfillment of a need I had for female friendship. While I was watching these, I was part of their gang, a silent friend that had been invited along, just happy to be there and hang out. Without knowing it at the time, I was getting what I had always needed but had never had, sorority. A fun little group of girls that I could subconciously pretend I belonged to. That's me a 41 year old man, feeling he belongs to a group of women half his age, just wanting to do nothing more with them than just have their company.
I don't need any more signs and pointers now, but looking back with all this new knowledge about myself, it is clear to me that this seemingly inconsequential interest was another demonstration that I was a trans girl.
In the past week or so, I have shared all my newfound experiences and discoveries with you all, and have received terrific support from you in return. As a result I feel that I no longer have the need to pretend to be in a group of girls, because I am finally and genuinely in one.
With love,
Woori-Mei
About 11 years ago I got into Kpop, or rather Girls' Generation. I discovered a couple of their songs and really liked them. They had nine members, the first successful girl group to be that large. They were the biggest Kpop girl group back then, and they had a very dedicated fanbase.
One time I probably I got bored and started watching a variety show appearance, before then I had only listened to some music or watched their music videos. I honestly can't say which show it was, but that doesn't matter. What I saw was there was not the polished performance and sheen of a Kpop group, but nine young women all with varied personalities, essentially just goofing around and having fun with each other. Joking, teasing, taunting, and laughing, most importantly them just enjoying each other's company. I saw all the fun that young women get up to when they're on their own. It was then I went from being just liking them, to being a proper fan. I was hooked, I couldn't get enough of seeing the fun friendship that they all shared, not just as all nine, but also in pairs, trios etc. I soon devoured this amazing new content, downloading all that I couldn't simply stream.
Two of them featured in a separate show, that also starred members of other girl groups. This show was called Invincible Youth. The concept was that for one full day each week, they would all get together and work on a farm, growing and picking crops and tending to livestock. As the show progressed you got to see new friendships develop between each member of the group. I loved that even more than other shows I had seen, because I saw these relationships blossom in front of me, while also still having the usual fun, silly, and sometimes touching times that you get in such shows.
All of my male friends thought that I was a bit weird for getting into Kpop, but they didn't tease me about it either. I think they assumed I just watched and leered as these hot young women danced and gyrated on the stage. However I never saw them like that, never once did I get aroused by their performances, neither did I imagine "dating" them. I saw them all as the hard-working and complex women that they were. Something inside me stopped me looking at them in a sexual way, and probably a romantic way too, because I can't say I ever formed a crush on any of them either. There were ones that I looked the look of more, but my favourites were always those whose personality gelled with me the most. You might say those that I would want to most become friends with. Despite all that I thought at the time that all I'm getting here is some time with some pretty young women, with nice personalities, some substitutes for real romantic relationships i.e. surrogate girlfriends.
Yesterday it dawned on me the real reason that I had been so drawn into this world. What I was getting from this was not about fulfilling a heterosexual need for female companionship. It was the fulfillment of a need I had for female friendship. While I was watching these, I was part of their gang, a silent friend that had been invited along, just happy to be there and hang out. Without knowing it at the time, I was getting what I had always needed but had never had, sorority. A fun little group of girls that I could subconciously pretend I belonged to. That's me a 41 year old man, feeling he belongs to a group of women half his age, just wanting to do nothing more with them than just have their company.
I don't need any more signs and pointers now, but looking back with all this new knowledge about myself, it is clear to me that this seemingly inconsequential interest was another demonstration that I was a trans girl.
In the past week or so, I have shared all my newfound experiences and discoveries with you all, and have received terrific support from you in return. As a result I feel that I no longer have the need to pretend to be in a group of girls, because I am finally and genuinely in one.
With love,
Woori-Mei