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Post by Lily on Jul 6, 2021 17:14:49 GMT
One strong feeling that I've noticed recently about myself can be summed up by this Right now I find the idea of hanging out with men repugnant, revolting and repulsive. I look back at old photos of myself hanging with friends and do not wistfully think "If only we could hang out toether like that once more" I baulk at the idea of having to fit in and pretend that I'm a cis guy like they are. Having to hang out with them and do guy stuff has less than zero appeal. I feel I've done more than enough of that already in my life. A lot of that may be a reaction to having only recently found out so much about myself. I have applied that knowledge to my past too, thinking of those five years I spent at an all-boys school. I was once so angry about that time that I wished I could turn into the 50-ft Transgirl, and stomp the school into the ground - my teachers and fellow students along with it. As well as that feeling of anger, I'm sure much of my current feelings on this may just be me wishing to make up for lost time. As much as wanting to hang out with the girls, than hating the idea of hanging out with the guys When I look at those old photos of social gatherings, I look at all the women in the photos. The wives and girlfiends of my friends that were also there. I recall having better and more open conversations with them than the men I was with. I see them and wish I could hang out with them, and just them. all of us girls together. I've mentioned before about looking for sorority, being part of group of girls that are friends. I would love to do that in person, face-to-face with women I'm friends with. Neither the activity nor the conversation need be girly or feminine at all. Just the very fact I was with friends that were girls, and that saw me as a girl too, would be pleasing enough. Have any of you had experienced similar feelings? Particularly about hanging out with cis men. Were those feelings noticably stronger directly after you discovered you were a trans girl? Woori-Mei
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Post by Jessica on Jul 7, 2021 14:39:56 GMT
Woori I can honestly say no. I have never felt this way. I have a close group of friends I have known since I was a kid back in KC. We are now spread all over the country and its always great when I get to see one of them. I can't relate to this one. I have always been comfortable in male relationships.
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Post by Lily on Jul 7, 2021 15:11:07 GMT
Woori I can honestly say no. I have never felt this way. I have a close group of friends I have known since I was a kid back in KC. We are now spread all over the country and its always great when I get to see one of them. I can't relate to this one. I have always been comfortable in male relationships. I knew out of all of us you'd say that I think this is a big reaction to what I've just discovered about myself. I certainly didn't feel this way before I discovered I was trans. This has a lot to do with my feelings towards school. I didn't have those friends that you made when you were a kid. There were no friends to stay in contact with after I left school. I have male friends that I've had a great time hanging out with. I'm sure I'll get to a space where I'd like to do that again with them too. It's just right now that simply has no appeal.
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Post by Jessica on Jul 7, 2021 15:46:27 GMT
Yeah once you get through the initial wave of craziness you'll be fine. I have had 30 years to learn to compartmentalize my two lives.
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Post by Maria on Jul 7, 2021 16:32:55 GMT
I think for me I've always just felt more comfortable around girls. I have nothing against guys, but just personally that their bigger/louder/more intense way of socialising doesn't appeal or necessarily make sense to me.
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Post by Jessica on Jul 8, 2021 14:27:20 GMT
I have never felt totally comfortable around women. I have always felt more comfortable around them when I was in a long term relationship and the idea that I might be available/hitting on one was off the table. But I have definitely been more comfortable with men in social situations, even today. I never seem to say the right thing with women. But I always know what to say to the dudes.
If I woke up as a bisexual woman tomorrow, I would probably have very little issue getting guys.....but would still struggle with the ladies haha.
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Post by Maria on Jul 8, 2021 15:03:13 GMT
I have never felt totally comfortable around women. I have always felt more comfortable around them when I was in a long term relationship and the idea that I might be available/hitting on one was off the table. But I have definitely been more comfortable with men in social situations, even today. I never seem to say the right thing with women. But I always know what to say to the dudes. If I woke up as a bisexual woman tomorrow, I would probably have very little issue getting guys.....but would still struggle with the ladies haha. That sounds almost the exact opposite of me lol! I have been made an "honorary one of the girls" more times than I could count. Even now, if we all go over to the park after the kids come out of school, all the mums will talk about "lady things", so as underwear styles or appealing to their husbands or suchlike, and only after several minutes realise that maybe that might be a bit weird for me. And then go right on back to talking about those things š I think I just off an aura of being completely non-threatening. Like there is no possibility that I would be trying to hit on anyone. Which also probably goes a long way to explaining the "lack of spark" that I mentioned in another thread.
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Post by chloƩ on Jul 8, 2021 17:27:18 GMT
Iāve never been easy with girls. Boys were easy for me, everything from me was male, and still iss, then apart the two stories I told you, nobody could take me for a girl, then my mirror was male and only male. deep inside I wanted to go with girls but being one of them. But impossible, nobody would have understand and I didnāt want to be remarked.
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Post by Lily on Jul 8, 2021 17:54:33 GMT
I'd probably say that I prefer mixed company.
All male company can get a bit too much of showing how much of a dude you are. If I've been in all-male company, I've enjoyed it more in smaller groups with those that I trust to treat me both as an equal and with respect.
In all-female company I'm the odd one out, so I'll feel uncomfortable no matter how OK they are with me being there. Because I've only rarely had allowed myself to have romantic interest in women, I've found making conversation and forming friendly relationships with women easy enough. That didn't happen until my early 30s however, and was especially true in the workplace. That was very different on nights out in pubs and clubs though, where women have an expectation of being hitting on. Speaking to women in those situations was almost impossible for me.
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Post by Maria on Jul 8, 2021 22:06:28 GMT
Even in university years, which is the only time I've really been clubbing, my friendship groups were (if not completely) then largely made up of a large majority of females. So I think the idea of me hitting on any of the girls present just never even crossed any of our minds.
I'm thinking about it actually - I'm pretty certain I've been hit on by girls more times than I've hit on them lol!
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Post by Jessica on Jul 9, 2021 12:17:08 GMT
I have never felt totally comfortable around women. I have always felt more comfortable around them when I was in a long term relationship and the idea that I might be available/hitting on one was off the table. But I have definitely been more comfortable with men in social situations, even today. I never seem to say the right thing with women. But I always know what to say to the dudes. If I woke up as a bisexual woman tomorrow, I would probably have very little issue getting guys.....but would still struggle with the ladies haha. That sounds almost the exact opposite of me lol! I have been made an "honorary one of the girls" more times than I could count. Even now, if we all go over to the park after the kids come out of school, all the mums will talk about "lady things", so as underwear styles or appealing to their husbands or suchlike, and only after several minutes realise that maybe that might be a bit weird for me. And then go right on back to talking about those things š I think I just off an aura of being completely non-threatening. Like there is no possibility that I would be trying to hit on anyone. Which also probably goes a long way to explaining the "lack of spark" that I mentioned in another thread. I have had several female friends I would say. But for women that don't know me well, I think my inbetween gender identity, combined with the fact that I do not seem completely harmless but am not a real alpha either, has left me in the category of "potential creeper" with some women. In other cases I am not friend material because I am too dudely, but not dating material because I am not dudely enough. This problem is usually solved when I am in a long term relationship (like now being married) and the idea of a romantic relationship is off the table. I do much better then.
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Post by Jessica on Jul 9, 2021 12:17:54 GMT
Iāve never been easy with girls. Boys were easy for me, everything from me was male, and still iss, then apart the two stories I told you, nobody could take me for a girl, then my mirror was male and only male. deep inside I wanted to go with girls but being one of them. But impossible, nobody would have understand and I didnāt want to be remarked. Yeah Chloe I think we are very similar with this one.
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Post by Jessica on Jul 9, 2021 12:19:07 GMT
I'd probably say that I prefer mixed company. All male company can get a bit too much of showing how much of a dude you are. If I've been in all-male company, I've enjoyed it more in smaller groups with those that I trust to treat me both as an equal and with respect. In all-female company I'm the odd one out, so I'll feel uncomfortable no matter how OK they are with me being there. Because I've only rarely had allowed myself to have romantic interest in women, I've found making conversation and forming friendly relationships with women easy enough. That didn't happen until my early 30s however, and was especially true in the workplace. That was very different on nights out in pubs and clubs though, where women have an expectation of being hitting on. Speaking to women in those situations was almost impossible for me.Me too.
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Post by chloƩ on Jul 9, 2021 13:44:59 GMT
Iāve never been easy with girls. Boys were easy for me, everything from me was male, and still iss, then apart the two stories I told you, nobody could take me for a girl, then my mirror was male and only male. deep inside I wanted to go with girls but being one of them. But impossible, nobody would have understand and I didnāt want to be remarked. Yeah Chloe I think we are very similar with this one. Definitely
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