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Post by Lily on Jul 13, 2021 16:25:01 GMT
I initially thought of putting this into the Video Games thread, but thought it worthy of its own thread instead.
I've mentioned elsewhere that I've been playing Fallout 4 this week. Socking it to all the bad guys with a rocket-propelled baseball bat. I've realised that this was the first time I played a woman with the full knowledge that this is what I wanted to be. In doing so I've looked at the female NPCs in a different light, seeing myself as one of them and not something different to them.
In doing so I noticed a reaction to two minor characters, a feeling that I don't think I've had before. They both live in the same settlement, and are both older ladies. Given my age I saw more of myself in them than in most of the other women in the game. One has adopted an orphan as her grandson. The other, who works in the canteen, makes sure that same boy is well fed. Both show a caring grandmotherly side to them. I was struck by how much being the kindly aunt or grandmother appealed to me. I have never experienced any feeling of wanting to be a mother before, so this was an unusual feeling. However it was not unwelcome and I did not push it away. I thought more on how I might actually like to have that role. This wouldn't be raising them, but taking care of them in some other way.
Have any of you found something about your feminine side in a similarly unexpected way?
Sandi Mae
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Post by Maria on Jul 13, 2021 22:24:38 GMT
When I was quite young (primary school age), a lot of the families of my classmates were set it in the "traditional" way - the man goes out to work and the wife stays and looks after the home and the children. Certainly that role always appealed to me more, and whenever I'd see in films or on TV a situation where the father never got to spend time with his kids because of work, the idea of that horrified me.
Not really the same, but in a similar topic. I remember when we went for the 12 week scan when my ex was pregnant with my daughter. We knew we would ask to find out the sex, and we had talked about what we both hoped it would be - we both said girl. It didn't occur to me until quite some time later that this was probably quite unusual - most "men" probably hoping for a son to follow in their footsteps and to teach to "be a man". Perhaps I hoped for a daughter in order to live vicariously through her?
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Post by Lily on Jul 13, 2021 22:53:32 GMT
That first paragraph makes me think that perhaps I never saw myself becoming a parent when I was a child. As an adult, given my romantic inhibitions I never saw myself in a relationship where I could become a parent. Therefore I never really thought about becoming a father let alone a mother. It didn't really hit me until my mid-40s that I had left it too late. Well too late from my point of view anyway. It was only seeing those two older women in roles other than that of a regular parent that made think that could be something I could do. For example the adoptive grandmother is single, the boy doesn't mention a grandfather at all. I do recall now that in Final Fantasy V there is a grandfather and grand-daughter in the party, and seeing fanart of those two did make me wish I could be the grandfather in the artwork. It was the obvious love and bond they was apparent in the art that appealed to me.
I take your point about fathers typically wanting sons, but perhaps wanting a girl as a "man" isn't so unusual. This is only one reverse example, but my sister has often stated that she only wanted a son, that she didn't like the idea of raising a daughter.
I never wished for a son or daughter, but when I was little I often wished I had a little sister. Did that say anything about my trans nature? Now it could just be I wanted my own special playmate, but it was a sister and not a brother.
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Post by chloé on Jul 14, 2021 7:21:00 GMT
I have 3 children, 2 daughters and 1 son. The first is a girl. I’m happy to see her becoming a woman, she is 15 now and I live trough her the growing feminity I dream I would have known if I was born girl. But also I have 2 girls who love their father, and that’s great. the most important thing for me is to be able to give her the best life as woman they can have, because being a woman is not as easy as being a man. I’m definitely a feminist man, maybe because I’m a woman
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Post by Maria on Jul 14, 2021 10:38:51 GMT
It sounds like for all of us the most important thing is the emotional closeness of the relationship, rather than the specific nature of it I'm sure it's not that unusual, it just struck me that perhaps for me that was the reason why. I do know one person who hoped their child would be a girl, but that was because he already had a son and he wanted one of each lol. The only place where I've really seen a "male" person desperately hope that their first child would be a girl is in the autobiography of a trans woman. So maybe that's another reason that it stuck with me more too, the connection there. Although as you say, it may just be a coincidence!
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Post by Lily on Jul 14, 2021 11:57:51 GMT
No, I don't think it's just coincidence. Either way, whatever reason you had for wishing for a daughter was perfectly valid.
I've thought more on this, and have thought that in my imagined alternative timeline that I would've become a mother. I haven't imagined anything beyond the point that my first child would be a daughter. She would be about 16-21 years old now, and would also follow after me and her grandmother in looks. No idea who my partner would be though. Thinking on it now though I wouldn't want her to be an only child, so she'd at least have a younger sister.
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Post by Jessica on Jul 14, 2021 14:25:51 GMT
I definitely wanted a girl when my son was born. I felt I would be a great "girldad". Not sure if that is a thing in Europe, but a girldad is a dad of a daughter who supports her basically to be strong and independent and do whatever she wants to do. Basically treat her like you would traditionally treat a son. When we found out it was a boy that pretty much all went away though and I was physched.
Now we have one of each which is great.
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Post by Jessica on Jul 14, 2021 14:27:14 GMT
As for your original question....I think a lot of things in my life are impacted by my latent femininity. I think I am kinder, gentler and often times less confrontational and more soft spoken because deep down I am a quiet lady. When I have to be "manly" I really have to force it.
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Post by Jessica on Jul 14, 2021 14:27:54 GMT
I have 3 children, 2 daughters and 1 son. The first is a girl. I’m happy to see her becoming a woman, she is 15 now and I live trough her the growing feminity I dream I would have known if I was born girl. But also I have 2 girls who love their father, and that’s great. the most important thing for me is to be able to give her the best life as woman they can have, because being a woman is not as easy as being a man. I’m definitely a feminist man, maybe because I’m a woman That's awesome Chloe!
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