Post by Lily on Jul 14, 2021 15:04:12 GMT
Hello everyone.
Just thought I'd let you know I'm feeling a lot better today. I also wanted to tell you that you are the main reason. I was reminded yesterday of how much I love my friends, and that though you can't be by my side phyically you are still with me in spirit. It isn't just the fact I am not alone in all this, it also the very fact that I do have friends now too. I think I felt that spark of warmth that your friendship gives me, and that was enough for me to find my own way of the hole I was in.
I picked up order from Amazon this afternoon. As it was so sunny outside I decided to go on for a little detour around the local park too. It was the first time I had been out since I accepted that I was trans. I felt OK wearing my guy clothes out. I think this was because I was feeling happier and because I knew I was making that choice for myself. That even though I would love to wear my summer dress out on a day like this, the time is not right for me to do so.
I noticed I felt a lot more comfortable and confident being outside than I have been for a very long time. I felt I would be more assertive if I did had to deal with an awkward or difficult situation while outside. Before I would just be thinking of how I can avoid such circumstances. I think this is because I'm more aware and certain of who I am now.
I spotted lots of gardens with colourful pretty flowers in them, and really took the time to look and appreciate them. I thought how nice it would be to have some flowers in my room. I saw a young woman out walking wearing something I wish I could wear - a low cut vest and denim shorts. I smirked to myself as I thought that, and at the thought that no-one else would know the real reason I was admiring her so. As I continued my walk I imagined myself looking like a woman doing that, and that was a very pleasant feeling. I even pictured myself that way jogging around the park like so many do. Me, exercising of all things. I later thought that riding a bike would be more my thing. At least you get to sit down while you do that
When I picked up my order I went into town and had got quite stressed. This took the gilt off what could have been a happy experience. Well today was so much nicer, I did it all at my own pace, being so much happier in simply being outside.
It's been nice writing and sharing this happy experience with all of you.
xox,
Sandi Mae
Just thought I'd let you know I'm feeling a lot better today. I also wanted to tell you that you are the main reason. I was reminded yesterday of how much I love my friends, and that though you can't be by my side phyically you are still with me in spirit. It isn't just the fact I am not alone in all this, it also the very fact that I do have friends now too. I think I felt that spark of warmth that your friendship gives me, and that was enough for me to find my own way of the hole I was in.
I picked up order from Amazon this afternoon. As it was so sunny outside I decided to go on for a little detour around the local park too. It was the first time I had been out since I accepted that I was trans. I felt OK wearing my guy clothes out. I think this was because I was feeling happier and because I knew I was making that choice for myself. That even though I would love to wear my summer dress out on a day like this, the time is not right for me to do so.
I noticed I felt a lot more comfortable and confident being outside than I have been for a very long time. I felt I would be more assertive if I did had to deal with an awkward or difficult situation while outside. Before I would just be thinking of how I can avoid such circumstances. I think this is because I'm more aware and certain of who I am now.
I spotted lots of gardens with colourful pretty flowers in them, and really took the time to look and appreciate them. I thought how nice it would be to have some flowers in my room. I saw a young woman out walking wearing something I wish I could wear - a low cut vest and denim shorts. I smirked to myself as I thought that, and at the thought that no-one else would know the real reason I was admiring her so. As I continued my walk I imagined myself looking like a woman doing that, and that was a very pleasant feeling. I even pictured myself that way jogging around the park like so many do. Me, exercising of all things. I later thought that riding a bike would be more my thing. At least you get to sit down while you do that
When I picked up my order I went into town and had got quite stressed. This took the gilt off what could have been a happy experience. Well today was so much nicer, I did it all at my own pace, being so much happier in simply being outside.
It's been nice writing and sharing this happy experience with all of you.
xox,
Sandi Mae