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Post by Lily on Feb 25, 2023 16:50:22 GMT
So I'm going through this phase where I'm not sure Lily really matches me. Recently I almost signed off on here as Lily Serena. This sounds quite nice I think, but perhaps it's the Serena part. That Lily sounds a bit too young, but Serena sounds a bit more mature, and less frivilous. It could just be a bit of internalised transphobia, that Lily is a bit too girly. As before when I changed from Sandi, I don't have the opportunity to get used to it. As children we get used to our name very early on because that's what everyone calls us, we quickly identify the name with our self. Indeed when we're very young, we find it a bit odd when we come across other people with our name, thinking "Hang on that name belongs to me, why are they called that too". Also having to use this other name I have doesn't help either.
Another aspect of this is calling myself Lily, when I'm not presenting female. The two don't match. Again making it difficult to bond the name to my inner self. That would be true of course, had I another name, but that's not the point. It's just that it complicates my ability to tell if Lily is a good match or not.
There is also the small matters of coming out to family, and beginning to transition. Changing my name so far have been easy. The trans community knows very well the importance of finding the right name and so is accepting of a change. However I don't want to ask my family to start calling me Lily, then change it again. So it is best being permanent.
I'm not saying that I am going to start with another new name. I'm more just saying this where I am at with it.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 26, 2023 14:36:42 GMT
I think Lily is a great name and fits you well, for what it is worth. Using the middle name to balance is a good idea too.
Do you have any other specific names in mind?
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Post by Lily on Feb 26, 2023 14:56:37 GMT
No, only Serena really. I did a lot of research when I picked Lily, and gave it full consideration. There wasn't any other name out there to be discovered. However perhaps there's some names that I rejected out of hand then I'd like now.
I haven't gone off Lily as I did with Sandi. It is more about the mismatch between the name and my appearance and voice. Part of it is the "ee" sound at the end. To me if it feels a bit too young, whereas Serena feels more mature. So I'd feel better with a name ending in "a" or perhaps a consonant.
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Post by Jessica on Feb 27, 2023 13:18:19 GMT
I don't think it is too young at all for what it is worth.
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Post by Lily on Mar 17, 2023 0:21:40 GMT
I'm sticking with Lily for the time being. I'll get a better impression the more times I'm called Lily when presenting as female. I'm hoping they'll be more opportunities through my local trans group. It would help if they could all remember it, someone called me Annie at the weekend.
As I've said a lot of it is because of the mismatch between the name and my body and voice, and that would happen with whatever name I chose.
If I was to change it I do think that Serena works for me too. I certainly think that it goes very well with Lily.
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Post by Jessica on Mar 17, 2023 13:21:40 GMT
As I said before, I think Lily is great and fits you well. FWIW
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Post by Lily on Mar 18, 2023 2:03:18 GMT
Thank you. I do too for the most part. I think Jessica really suits you too, it matches your character really well.
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Post by Jessica on Mar 18, 2023 13:07:36 GMT
Thank you! I did have a few different ones I used when I was younger. But I landed on this one several years ago, over a decade now, and I think it works well. Plus it is what my parents would have named me.
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Post by angela on Apr 8, 2023 13:12:24 GMT
Not that my opinion is worth anything. One of the things you said in one of your lists is that you thought Lilly sounded too girly. Well isn't that kind of the point?!š My first experience with a name was one given to me by my ex-wife who called me Beth, until she found out it was more than just a bedroom kink. But I never internalized it. But one day I rented a not for safe video, I know I should be ashamed of myself, but it somehow felt wrong to sign a guy name as I was renting it to fantasize about being a girl, so I found myself signing Angela Lynn (and my last name withheld for obvious reasons). That immediately internalized and I have always since felt like that was my name. I only wish others would call me by my real name. Thanks for listening
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Post by Jessica on Apr 8, 2023 14:41:04 GMT
Thanks for sharing that story Angela. I think we all can empathize with that feeling!
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Post by Lily on Apr 9, 2023 11:28:21 GMT
That's an interesting story Angela. That the name came out of that significant moment for you helped make it stick for you.
For me a lot of the problem with this, is that this is all still new to me. It represents where I am with it all, I know I'm not a man, so I can't have my old name anymore, but though I know I'm a woman, there are still all these doubts. It has been less than 2 years before I realised who I really was, and I don't quite feel myself there 100%. It doesn't quite match who I am right now. It feels slightly aspirational, that eventually it'll fit, and that having this new name helps me reach that point.
I'll repeat myself by saying that I don't think the issue is this particular name, that it would've been there with whatever name I chose. Lily is fine for the time being and it's very likely that I'll stick with it for good.
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Post by Maria on Apr 10, 2023 15:40:18 GMT
Angela - that sounds quite similar to how I came by my name. It was very early on in my discovery that I was perhaps not quite who the world had told me I was. I went on an online 3D chat game (not VR, that wasn't really a thing yet, just like 3D characters in a world and you could control them and interact and chat with other people's characters in the game) and it needed a name. So I quickly came up with something, just to use for that. Then a while later I restarted a game that I had but with a female character. Again I needed a name, so as I had one that I had used previously I just went with that again. And as time went on there were more and more things where I would need a name that matched me, and so I just kept using that one!
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Post by Lily on Apr 10, 2023 23:01:37 GMT
It feels like I'm sticking with Lily. The only alternative being Serena. I would like to feel more certain about my name before coming out to family and telling my new name. Though of course I can change my mind later, I would feel a whole lot better if it was the one I stuck with. The fact that my sister won't likely be around for that many more years, means it would be good if it could be permanent.
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Post by Jessica on Apr 11, 2023 12:59:40 GMT
You're in too deep Lily. I agree. I think you roll with it.
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Post by Lily on May 12, 2023 10:53:25 GMT
Being out on Monday with everyone calling me Lily, and getting those two birthday cards from those children, has really helped me feel more connected with my name. I've noticed more that the disconnection is because of how I look on the outside, that I don't feel or look like a Lily when presenting male. However it's of course the case that I wouldn't feel like any other female name either, so it's nothing to do with the name itself.
I've also noticed that when I hear the name I do have that reflex of thinking it's referring to me, so clearly I do feel a bond with the name and who I am inside.
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