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Post by Jessica on Jun 20, 2021 20:11:48 GMT
Thanks for looking that up. I wished I read your post before I started. There's plenty of lockers available in my area. Unfortunately I didn't know it was only for Amazon products. I just spent 2 or 3 hours picking new clothes only to find they don't deliver to where I need them to go Very deflating. It was really nice doing it though. Perhaps I'll link to what I put in my basket but won't be getting now I've been meaning to ask - is Alex what you'd like to look like, or is it just her ideal qualities you'd want? I've noticed that I tend to think of the female me as what would be achievable, rather than what my ideal would be. One that I'd look like just using cosmetics and clothes or perhaps by transitioning, the other being if the genie of the lamp suddenly turned up and granted me a wish. It's an interesting difference. Oh man I would LOVE to look like Alex Morgan. Check out my post on female athletes as it gives a better explanation for why I love female athletes. But yeah, if I could look like Alex Morgan that would be the jackpot. I guess I never think about things in what is achievable because I don't ever intend to transition. I just think about what the fantasy would be.
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Post by Jessica on Jun 20, 2021 20:19:08 GMT
OMG very pretty! You like your pinks haha! So I am absolutely by no means an expert at this at all. But some of the things I have done that have really heled. -Shapewear: I have gotten a couple things that will help push down that belly, help form clevage and hips, and even hide that little bulge in the legs. I have been surprised at how well some of them have worked! -Wide Straps: If you do go with some shapewear, get some things with wide straps that help hide all the straps from the shapewear. -Tights are the best. And there are different kind (from really opaque and see through to really thick and solid) and they all feel different and wonderful in their own ways. -Breast forms: It took me awhile to find a way to get these, but it is doable. And they just make it feel that much better. Just lounging around the house cleaning or watching TV or playing video games wearing a dress with panties and breast forms just makes it seem so legit. Same for a wig.
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Post by Jessica on Jun 20, 2021 20:22:45 GMT
Just a few thoughts I wanted to capture 1) I grow my hair long for no other reason that it's a pain to keep getting it cut all the time. Around 18 months ago it finally dawned on stupid old me to tie it back in a hairband. I've tied it back hundreds of times, but this morning when I did it, exactly the same way as all those other times, it felt different somehow. It didn't quite feel like I was doing it with a man's hands to a man's head of hair. Whose hands and hair were they then? 2) I've read other members on here saying how useful it is to name the female side/version of you. I hadn't felt the need, it was all me, so why name this aspect of myself? However I became more uncomfortable with the phrasing of the "female me" "female version" or similar terms, apart from being a bit clunky, it began to feel impersonal. That it insinuated that "it" was a thing, and not part of a living human's soul and being. To keep this aspect of myself unnamed now felt wrong. She is worthy of a name, and of course she can't have my male name. Woori now doesn't seem quite right, not really matching her, but I think Woori-Mei sounds nice - my original username combined with the name of my avatar. Furthermore it didn't feel right to see her as just me in a nice dress wearing make-up. That she is a short cute woman wearing her nicest clothes, looking her best, 100% female, the way she deserves to be seen. 3) I wrote a couple of days ago, about how I'd thought coming here would be dipping my feet into the paddling pool, but instead it was like I dived into an ocean. To keep that ananlogy going I'd say that if now feels like two things. Firstly, when I'm concerned, despondent or questioning, it feels like being swept away in a fast-flowing river, but that I know that someone will come along and throw me a rope, or toss me a lifejacket. Secondly when I'm feeling happy about all this - that I'm here able to express all this and interact with other members, or shopping for clothes as I did last night - it's like Woori-Mei has come out to play in a pool party, giggling and happily splashing about in the water having fun, and that maybe some of you are in the pool with me. 4) So I visualised that image of Woori-Mei having fun in the pool, and then I thought that yes, maybe I have let her come out. That while she hasn't replaced me, that we are at least walking down the same path together holding hands. However I can see behind her smile, that she is worried that she might have to go back inside soon. I want to hold onto her hand and never ever let her go, but I'm worried I might not be strong enough, that other outside forces may pull her away from me. I literally sob and weep at that thought. Sounds like you are having a big moment Woori-Mei! Glad you found a name and glad we could help you go on this journey of discovery! The feelings you are describing in #3 are exactly how I was feeling and exactly why I created this site. I am glad you found it. It looks like some of our wave of membership may have died off a little bit. So anything you can do to support and push this will help!
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Post by Lily on Jun 20, 2021 22:14:13 GMT
In personifying Woori-Mei it's helped in slightly separating her from me. I don't love myself so much, and so don't take good care of myself. I almost always put the needs of others before my own. With her being here and around, I can now think that I want to take care of her. To watch out for her, protect her, support her, give her nice clothes. That because it isn't just me in a dress anymore, I can give her a much higher priority than I would otherwise.
I've been very taken by the image of male-me and her walking downing the road together. For the moment at least, I like to think of myself as a combination of male-me and Woori-Mei. That we're always there together. Depending on the situation one of us might take the lead more, or have a louder voice, but neither she nor male-me go away. On top of that, if a portrait of me was drawn, Woori-Mei would be there too. The full version of me would be in the picture, not just the one that everyone sees, but her as well. By that I mean the imagined version of her, not Woori-Mei in my male body.
Regarding increasing membership. There is one thing I think of that I can do . There's a twitch streamer I watch called Mark Hulmes, he streams as sherlock_hulmes, and he's out about his feminine side, but like me doesn't feel the need to transition. I know a large proportion of his viewers are trans and he knows, or follows another similar streamer. I was thinking of somehow letting him know somehow. I was planning to reach out to one of his mods, I know one of them is particularly trans friendly, but I know they all are. I'm a bit awkward when it comes to this stuff, and the twitch community is a lot younger than me, but I'll try to do something this week. Can't hurt to try.
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Post by Lily on Jun 20, 2021 23:08:53 GMT
OMG very pretty! You like your pinks haha! So I am absolutely by no means an expert at this at all. But some of the things I have done that have really heled. -Shapewear: I have gotten a couple things that will help push down that belly, help form clevage and hips, and even hide that little bulge in the legs. I have been surprised at how well some of them have worked! -Wide Straps: If you do go with some shapewear, get some things with wide straps that help hide all the straps from the shapewear. -Tights are the best. And there are different kind (from really opaque and see through to really thick and solid) and they all feel different and wonderful in their own ways. -Breast forms: It took me awhile to find a way to get these, but it is doable. And they just make it feel that much better. Just lounging around the house cleaning or watching TV or playing video games wearing a dress with panties and breast forms just makes it seem so legit. Same for a wig. I'll certainly look into the shapewear. Woori-Mei would certainly like to show those hips off. Even before this week, I was wanting a bigger butt when wearing that single pair of panties I have. Would the shapewear help with that, or would I have go with pads for that effect? As for tights - please give me the links! I hadn't considered stockings or tights before this, but as they're not so expensive I'd thought I'd give it a try. Breast forms - I'll think about those. Woori-Mei has been blessed by our mother's genes, she had big boobs and so do I, for a male body that is. I'm chubby/plump/overweight so my boobs are quite noticable, but not saggy at all. The bra that I already have does have something to support and is filled a bit. In summation, it sort of feels like I have good enough breasts already, nothing like the breast forms can provide though of course. The only thing I don't like about them is the chest hair where my cleavage would be. Wigs - I wasn't going to bother with that just yet, but then I saw they sell wigs for Mei cosplay. Why must the universe test me so? So maybe I might order one. Though not available at the lockers, I should be able to pass off the soft package as just boring clothes or something. I mentioned cosplay but there's this outfit www.ecrater.co.uk/p/29693875/overwatch-mei-magic-girl-cosplay?gps=1They even do it for male bodies as well as female, and you give your measurements too. However it's just too expensive, as pretty as it is and it is, I can't justify paying that much on one outfit, particularly one that no-one else is going to admire. So I'm just going to have to put my nose against the shop window and just gaze longingly.
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Post by chloé on Jun 21, 2021 10:50:06 GMT
Hi Woori,
I’m so jealous, I like a lot what you buy. I’m happy for you and how you accept who you are. you opened so much your heart and your desires that I understand so well your feelings. It is very courageous and I like a lot what you said about the fact that you are Woori, not that woori is a female version. I think Emmanuel (my name) is a male version of Chloé. Chloé is my reality hidden behind Emmanuel. I always wanted to be a woman and being able to say that it sucks being a woman as my wife says every month. I envy the women since I’m 13. I followed for years tg media and more I enter in this world more I’m sure I’m trans. everytime I play videogame, I choose the girl chatacter, when I create a character it is always a girl ( fir example in the elder scroll online) My wife has some problem with this. I will continue to create my life through my photos, then I’m real. kiss Chloé
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Post by Lily on Jun 21, 2021 15:37:44 GMT
Chloe,
The only problem is getting the right opportunity to wear them. My sister suffers from agoraphobia, and when she ever does go out I have to go with her. I'll just be doing this when everyone else is asleep I think, but at least it's something.
I have never tried to find out how far I need to go with this. Woori-Mei is a part of me, but I still don't how much. Getting these clothes is part of that journey of discovery. Before all this I might have said I was at the very most 10% a woman, now I just don't know, but I'm not as afraid to find out now.
I've looked at or read a lot of TG media too. However it took me too long to realise that it was because it was something I desired, and not just to get turned on by.
I so relate to videogames, I always choose to be the girl. I love to dress them up in the best outfits. Whenever I've tried to play a male character when I could be a girl instead, it never feels right, it really jars. However I still thought that I did so because I like to look at them. That the pleasure in playing as them, came from just admiring their bodies. In Fallout 4 the dresses can be worn by the men as well as women, so I made a male character to do that, but when he put on a dress there was such a disconnect. It was just this tough macho guy in a red dress. It felt like he was doing it as joke, or for a bet he lost. It didn't feel like me at all. Whereas when I played as a woman it felt natural, that my character just wanted to show off her curves and look attractive. I now realise that I wanted to do that too.
One of the things I needed to realise in all this is that this isn't so much about us wanting to be women, it's that we want to be ourselves. That inside we already are women, either completely or partially, all the time, or just some of the time. In order to accept who I really am, I had to realise that it wasn't just putting on a wig and a dress, and playing the part of a woman. That this was about being who I already was. Yes, it does suck to be a woman in our societies, but it sucks too that you aren't allowed to be who really are Chloe.
Take care,
Woori-Mei
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Post by Maria on Jun 21, 2021 19:36:17 GMT
I like your style 😀 Especially that summer dress 😍
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Post by Lily on Jun 21, 2021 19:47:27 GMT
Thank you, that's the first compliment I've got like that <blushes> I knew before I started that shopping spree that I had to get a white floral summer dress. It was tugging away at my heart. It's all there in the locker waiting for me right now. Can't wait to try everything on, but I want to take my time and savour wearing each one. It's just finding the safe time to do so
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Post by Lily on Jun 22, 2021 0:44:35 GMT
Just a quick thought.
I've told one good friend about all this. The one thing I'd wish to do more than anything else is to just have a girl's night-in with her. Trying on clothes, her doing my make-up and also her dolling herself up too, while recording it for posterity. That there'd be at least one day when I got to be who'd I like to be and see myself as.
When the doubts creep in, as they surely still will, I need to remember this wish. That this wish is real and genuine, and that a cisgender man would never wish for such a thing. Whatever the amount of time that Woori-Mei needs to take the lead, the fact that she needs to at all is what's important. It says that I am not all male, and that this is to be both acknowledged and cherished.
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Post by Lily on Jun 22, 2021 16:49:07 GMT
I collected it all from the locker today. While picking them up I went through or past a few department stores. I really wanted to browse through the women's section. I didn't of course, but today I admired the clothes for a few seconds longer than I did before. I embraced the fact that I wanted to look at them. I've only opened up the packaging so far. I'd describe the feelings as to now having them as happy, pleasant and contented. I don't feel that this is wrong in anyway, or that I should be ashamed. This isn't sordid or anything else that others might think that this is. In fact I feel that now I would stick up for myself, and tell them where to get off, if anyone did to try to ridicule or humiliate me. x Woori-Mei
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Post by Jessica on Jun 24, 2021 3:09:22 GMT
Chloe, The only problem is getting the right opportunity to wear them. My sister suffers from agoraphobia, and when she ever does go out I have to go with her. I'll just be doing this when everyone else is asleep I think, but at least it's something. I have never tried to find out how far I need to go with this. Woori-Mei is a part of me, but I still don't how much. Getting these clothes is part of that journey of discovery. Before all this I might have said I was at the very most 10% a woman, now I just don't know, but I'm not as afraid to find out now. I've looked at or read a lot of TG media too. However it took me too long to realise that it was because it was something I desired, and not just to get turned on by. I so relate to videogames, I always choose to be the girl. I love to dress them up in the best outfits. Whenever I've tried to play a male character when I could be a girl instead, it never feels right, it really jars. However I still thought that I did so because I like to look at them. That the pleasure in playing as them, came from just admiring their bodies. In Fallout 4 the dresses can be worn by the men as well as women, so I made a male character to do that, but when he put on a dress there was such a disconnect. It was just this tough macho guy in a red dress. It felt like he was doing it as joke, or for a bet he lost. It didn't feel like me at all. Whereas when I played as a woman it felt natural, that my character just wanted to show off her curves and look attractive. I now realise that I wanted to do that too. One of the things I needed to realise in all this is that this isn't so much about us wanting to be women, it's that we want to be ourselves. That inside we already are women, either completely or partially, all the time, or just some of the time. In order to accept who I really am, I had to realise that it wasn't just putting on a wig and a dress, and playing the part of a woman. That this was about being who I already was. Yes, it does suck to be a woman in our societies, but it sucks too that you aren't allowed to be who really are Chloe. Take care, Woori-Mei Playing as a female on videogames is a coping mechanism for me too. The female character on Mass Effect is kickass and I would suggest it!
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Post by Jessica on Jun 24, 2021 3:10:35 GMT
Just a quick thought. I've told one good friend about all this. The one thing I'd wish to do more than anything else is to just have a girl's night-in with her. Trying on clothes, her doing my make-up and also her dolling herself up too, while recording it for posterity. That there'd be at least one day when I got to be who'd I like to be and see myself as. When the doubts creep in, as they surely still will, I need to remember this wish. That this wish is real and genuine, and that a cisgender man would never wish for such a thing. Whatever the amount of time that Woori-Mei needs to take the lead, the fact that she needs to at all is what's important. It says that I am not all male, and that this is to be both acknowledged and cherished. This is exactly what happened with me when I told my friend. One day I will tell the story in detail. One of Emory's recent caps is inspired by the story actually.
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Post by Lily on Jun 24, 2021 5:45:42 GMT
That water analogy again
Right now I'm the little girl with a free pass for everything at the waterpark, so excitedly happy she doesn't know what slide she should go down next
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Post by chloé on Jun 24, 2021 10:09:06 GMT
That water analogy again Right now I'm the little girl with a free pass for everything at the waterpark, so excitedly happy she doesn't know what slide she should go down next What is the water analogy?
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