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Post by Jessica on Jun 30, 2021 17:11:27 GMT
I'm sorry you're feeling down again. If I understand correctly, is a lot of it today because you would like to do something but nothing seems to be what you want to do? I've had a bit of a mixed day too so far. Inspired by all the conversations about clothes shopping last week, I bought myself a bikini off eBay. This was something that I'd always wanted, but always thought that 1) I would never be able to pull it off, and 2) when would I actually use it. Anyway it arrived yesterday, so I decided to wear it in the shower this morning. I think it was one of the best showers of my life - rather than looking down my body and feeling fairly apathetic about what I saw, today I looked down and because of what I was wearing, had those female cues. It is a push-up top too, which helps to support some of those curves in the right places. And looking down myself, it didn't look too bad if I do say so myself! Once I was out and had mostly dried off, I decided (oh what was I thinking ) to take a couple of photos to play around with in FaceApp. And then looking back at those front-view photos, well it wasn't the sight that I'd hoped for. Obviously a bikini doesn't leave much to the imagination, no fabric contouring or flattering pattern to help things look how they should. And so it was very obvious that my shoulders stick way out beyond the width of my hips, which in turn are basically non-existent. I just go straight down like an ironing board. From an objective, logical point of view, I know that I am female and that I can wear what the hell I like, and if it makes me feel good about myself then power to me. But from the emotional perspective in that moment... well let's just say that the thoughts going around me head in that moment weren't exactly kind thoughts. So yeah... on the one hand a really positive experience, on the other not so great. Lesson learned - avoid mirrors/cameras in future when wearing those particular items. I am sorry it turned out that way. I know the feeling
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Post by Maria on Jun 30, 2021 17:54:34 GMT
I mean at least it fitted, and looked and felt good from my point of view whilst I was in it. I think maybe I've just been lucky with everything else, that when I've felt I looked good in it, and then looked in a mirror, the mirror has agreed. And a lot of it is designed to accentuate the hips etc, so I've just gotten used to female clothes making me look feminine. So it was a shock to go through a similar routine to what I would with other things and it have that different result. But by avoiding mirrors and photos in the future hopefully I'll be ok And I've just looked at them again and it's not THAT bad. Like... maybe, almost, nearly passable. But just not what I would prefer it to look like. What app did you use to try and improve your French? I've been using DuoLingo, with the slightly threatening owl!
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Post by Jessica on Jun 30, 2021 21:08:38 GMT
I mean at least it fitted, and looked and felt good from my point of view whilst I was in it. I think maybe I've just been lucky with everything else, that when I've felt I looked good in it, and then looked in a mirror, the mirror has agreed. And a lot of it is designed to accentuate the hips etc, so I've just gotten used to female clothes making me look feminine. So it was a shock to go through a similar routine to what I would with other things and it have that different result. But by avoiding mirrors and photos in the future hopefully I'll be ok And I've just looked at them again and it's not THAT bad. Like... maybe, almost, nearly passable. But just not what I would prefer it to look like. What app did you use to try and improve your French? I've been using DuoLingo, with the slightly threatening owl! Gotcha. I have literally never achieved a look that I feel makes me look female in any way. If I ever went in public I would totally look like a dude in drag no matter how hard I have tried. Although I still have yet to master makeup, and I could definitely use a nicer wig but haven't been able to rationalize the expense. I used the owl app too. It probably would have worked, I just didn't stick with it.
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Post by Maria on Jun 30, 2021 22:57:10 GMT
I mean at least it fitted, and looked and felt good from my point of view whilst I was in it. I think maybe I've just been lucky with everything else, that when I've felt I looked good in it, and then looked in a mirror, the mirror has agreed. And a lot of it is designed to accentuate the hips etc, so I've just gotten used to female clothes making me look feminine. So it was a shock to go through a similar routine to what I would with other things and it have that different result. But by avoiding mirrors and photos in the future hopefully I'll be ok And I've just looked at them again and it's not THAT bad. Like... maybe, almost, nearly passable. But just not what I would prefer it to look like. What app did you use to try and improve your French? I've been using DuoLingo, with the slightly threatening owl! Gotcha. I have literally never achieved a look that I feel makes me look female in any way. If I ever went in public I would totally look like a dude in drag no matter how hard I have tried. Although I still have yet to master makeup, and I could definitely use a nicer wig but haven't been able to rationalize the expense. I used the owl app too. It probably would have worked, I just didn't stick with it. I think (maybe I'm being too generous to myself here though) that if I could go out in public without my head (lmao) that if I picked the right outfit I could pass. Although having seen some of my FaceApp results, a couple really look like me but at the same time VERY feminine, so maybe if I had a professional makeup artist on call for whenever I needed them then I would be fine... The problem is that I have no makeup skills whatsoever (or makeup apart from a couple of things). I did try some eye shadow a little while ago - I looked like a panda that had been punched in the face. So I have a way to go before it would be something I could even think about doing.
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Post by Jessica on Jul 2, 2021 1:51:49 GMT
Gotcha. I have literally never achieved a look that I feel makes me look female in any way. If I ever went in public I would totally look like a dude in drag no matter how hard I have tried. Although I still have yet to master makeup, and I could definitely use a nicer wig but haven't been able to rationalize the expense. I used the owl app too. It probably would have worked, I just didn't stick with it. I think (maybe I'm being too generous to myself here though) that if I could go out in public without my head (lmao) that if I picked the right outfit I could pass. Although having seen some of my FaceApp results, a couple really look like me but at the same time VERY feminine, so maybe if I had a professional makeup artist on call for whenever I needed them then I would be fine... The problem is that I have no makeup skills whatsoever (or makeup apart from a couple of things). I did try some eye shadow a little while ago - I looked like a panda that had been punched in the face. So I have a way to go before it would be something I could even think about doing. Having seen every part of you but your face, including your hair, I can say that I totally believe with the right makeup you could pass. 100%.
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Post by Maria on Jul 2, 2021 10:30:14 GMT
I think (maybe I'm being too generous to myself here though) that if I could go out in public without my head (lmao) that if I picked the right outfit I could pass. Although having seen some of my FaceApp results, a couple really look like me but at the same time VERY feminine, so maybe if I had a professional makeup artist on call for whenever I needed them then I would be fine... The problem is that I have no makeup skills whatsoever (or makeup apart from a couple of things). I did try some eye shadow a little while ago - I looked like a panda that had been punched in the face. So I have a way to go before it would be something I could even think about doing. Having seen every part of you but your face, including your hair, I can say that I totally believe with the right makeup you could pass. 100%. Aww thank you šš
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