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Post by chloé on Jun 28, 2021 21:16:29 GMT
Thanks for your concern. Like I said I don't think I can stop that first montage coming into my head, but I can control what happens afterwards. Actually intervening into the story as myself now, looking after that little girl. I have been feeling a lot better, thank you. The highs and lows are bit extreme at the moment, I'm either really happy and excited, particularly hanging out with everyone here, but then the lows are pretty bad, when I feel alone or old and washed-up. It's been a lot more of the former thankfully. Love, Woori-Mei We are always for you, even if in my case I’m not sure I understood everything, sometimes your english is a little too tough for me. I want to intervene more in this tread but my english level seems to have to improve. I don’t want to make mistakes or misunderstanding especially during those hard time you have. You are so courageous to share all thise things with us. Love ❤️ Chloé
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Post by Lily on Jun 28, 2021 21:49:04 GMT
Oh, I'm sorry Chloe, I do think that I use too many words sometimes. I have wondered too if you have been able to understand, I'm sorry that you haven't quite been able to follow what I have been saying. I will try to use more common English words for you. Also please ask if there is something I can put more simply for you. I will not mind, and no-one here will think less of you for asking.
xox,
Woori-Mei
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Post by Jessica on Jun 29, 2021 4:21:22 GMT
Fun fact Chloe: I took French in high school for five years. But I still probably speak it at the level of a 3-year-old. Very impressed with how well you speak English as a second language.
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Post by Maria on Jun 29, 2021 7:38:11 GMT
Also very impressed here 😀 Especially as some of the words relating to what we go through aren't exactly words you use every day! I also did French for a few years at secondary school. But as with so much of the education there, it was geared more towards passing an exam than developing a life-long skill. I now remember almost none. Perhaps I should get an app and try to remember some
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Post by chloé on Jun 29, 2021 10:23:36 GMT
Thank you very much ladies. I use english everyday in my job. The world speaks english not french then… if only Napoleon didn’t sold america to england for the money of his wars, perhaps you would have spoken french. But you won… william the conqueror is to old when he conquered england. France missed a lot of things in his history. But it’s in majority with not english people and for the job, then speaking of feelings and girl stuff in english is quite rare in my life. It’s a little exotic for me, I like it. with you I continue to improve my english. my problem is more linked in your expression, you use worlds I know but in sentence construction with implicit that I don’t and can’t understand because of my french background.
you know that french aren’t very well known for their knowledge of other languages. We have a joke: do you know how we call someone who speaks 3 languages… a trilingual Do you know how we call someone who speaks 2 languages… a bilingual Do you know how we call someone who speaks 1 language… a french
I like your kindness and your tolerance with me. Don’t change anything ladies, I will ask if it is not clear. 💋❤️ chloé
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Post by Maria on Jun 29, 2021 20:00:45 GMT
Ah that makes sense about knowing the words but not the expressions. We do have a lot of expressions that when you really look at them make no sense at all! I hadn't come across that reputation for the French - if anything I would have thought that would have been the reputation that we here in England have. Like the stereotype of the English person abroad who has made no effort to learn the other language and so just shouts even louder in English. I always found languages difficult to learn. I did French up to GCSE at school (those are the exams you take when you are 15/16) and did quite well, but because of the way it was taught and then not needing to use it ever since, I remember hardly any. I remember when I was 12 we took a school trip to France to help us practice our speaking. I tried to order a hot dog, and the lady behind the counter asked me to speak in English, as she could understand me better that way. Not quite the encouragement I was hoping for! For the past few months I have been trying to learn some Swedish on Duolingo, and it hasn't been a disaster, so perhaps I will add in some French as well - hopefully it would come back to me quite quickly if I did
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Post by chloé on Jun 29, 2021 21:43:32 GMT
Now you have a french sister. French language is difficult, even for french 😉. If you want to retry to learn, je serais très heureuse de t’aider. J’aime avoir des copines. je t’embrasse Chloé
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Post by Maria on Jun 29, 2021 22:32:21 GMT
Now you have a french sister. French language is difficult, even for french 😉. If you want to retry to learn, je serais très heureuse de t’aider. J’aime avoir des copines. je t’embrasse Chloé Thank you 😊 I will look into it tomorrow to see what the French lessons on there are like. Right now, I need to settle down for my beauty sleep!
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Post by Lily on Jun 30, 2021 11:48:58 GMT
Sorry everyone, but this going to be another Debbie Downer post.
Woke up at a decent time today, with a decent night's sleep too. The day there before me to do with as I wished. Except I didn't have anything I wished to do. Nothing. Another new day to fill, but I cannot find anything with which to fill it.
My brain's still a bit frazzled with all that's been going on. The activity I had been doing before I came here uses a lot of brain power. It involves lots of creative and imaginative thinking. I love doing it, but I haven't got the headspace to do so the moment. My brain needs a bit of a rest from strenuous activity too.
I can't play a lot of the video games that I used to be able to play. My brain is far too easily overloaded to deal with fast-paced action, quick responses and game soundtracks. There's a few games I'd love to play, but my brain just won't let me. This isn't a recent development either, I've been like that for few years now.
I've been on Amazon to shop for clothes, but just got more and more dejected at the extremely limited clothes options available to me. The clothes I really wanted, either didn't come in my size, or aren't able to be delivered to an outside collection point. All the excitement of finally deciding to get the clothes I'd like, choked by all the barriers brought down around them.
Everything seems to have settled down for me now which is good. However I feel I'm filled with torpor and melancholy, if not worse.
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Post by Maria on Jun 30, 2021 13:50:13 GMT
I'm sorry you're feeling down again. If I understand correctly, is a lot of it today because you would like to do something but nothing seems to be what you want to do? I've had a bit of a mixed day too so far. Inspired by all the conversations about clothes shopping last week, I bought myself a bikini off eBay. This was something that I'd always wanted, but always thought that 1) I would never be able to pull it off, and 2) when would I actually use it. Anyway it arrived yesterday, so I decided to wear it in the shower this morning. I think it was one of the best showers of my life - rather than looking down my body and feeling fairly apathetic about what I saw, today I looked down and because of what I was wearing, had those female cues. It is a push-up top too, which helps to support some of those curves in the right places. And looking down myself, it didn't look too bad if I do say so myself! Once I was out and had mostly dried off, I decided (oh what was I thinking ) to take a couple of photos to play around with in FaceApp. And then looking back at those front-view photos, well it wasn't the sight that I'd hoped for. Obviously a bikini doesn't leave much to the imagination, no fabric contouring or flattering pattern to help things look how they should. And so it was very obvious that my shoulders stick way out beyond the width of my hips, which in turn are basically non-existent. I just go straight down like an ironing board. From an objective, logical point of view, I know that I am female and that I can wear what the hell I like, and if it makes me feel good about myself then power to me. But from the emotional perspective in that moment... well let's just say that the thoughts going around me head in that moment weren't exactly kind thoughts. So yeah... on the one hand a really positive experience, on the other not so great. Lesson learned - avoid mirrors/cameras in future when wearing those particular items.
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Post by Lily on Jun 30, 2021 16:19:44 GMT
I've found that the experience from your own POV is far better than seeing it from another. A lot of dressing up is the feel, so seeing yourself in one full image always looks worse. In part because you haven't got the sensation of actually wearing it, or in your case showering in it. In my case I like the idea of wearing one, but also know that it wouldn't look great. That jarring comparision between how good you think you look in your head, and the reality.
The lack of things to do is more about not having the distraction to take my mind off how bad things are. That it isn't just today to fill, it's the week ahead, next month, next year etc. That saying that today is the first day of the rest of your life. The problem is that I did one of the worse things you can do, I gave up on myself. Years ago I waved the white flag at life and surrendered, having had just too much to cope with. Now that I want to change, I don't know where to start even, and have little to no confidence in my ability to succeed.
Finally having friends I can really open up to and give me support, has spotlighted the fact I've needed friends like you all for a very long time. That this is what friends actually are. That my life would've been so much better if I had friends I could've talked to about my bereavements, school, family etc. That they would've pointed out that I shouldn't have to be enduring what I was enduring. That I wouldn't have just inured myself to an unhappy life.
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Post by chloé on Jun 30, 2021 16:34:07 GMT
Hi girls, hope you are better. I come back after 2 days of commercial meeting. I tought a lot of you in particular because I wasn’t able to read and answer to you as I wanted. I need to be with you to live my Chloé side, I miss you When I can’t. i see that your days weren’t very good also. I hope you are better. I dream to be able to wear a bikini too, but honestly it will be absolutely ridiculous on my actual body. Too muscular. if I want to wear female clothe, I have to be careful in order to see a woman when I will choose some clothes. I’m impatient but my family is too present around me to take my measurements and choose a dress, a skirt, a bra and panties. I try to hide but it’s difficult. I don’t want to be caught. 💋 Chloé
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Post by Jessica on Jun 30, 2021 17:06:31 GMT
Thank you very much ladies. I use english everyday in my job. The world speaks english not french then… if only Napoleon didn’t sold america to england for the money of his wars, perhaps you would have spoken french. But you won… william the conqueror is to old when he conquered england. France missed a lot of things in his history. But it’s in majority with not english people and for the job, then speaking of feelings and girl stuff in english is quite rare in my life. It’s a little exotic for me, I like it. with you I continue to improve my english. my problem is more linked in your expression, you use worlds I know but in sentence construction with implicit that I don’t and can’t understand because of my french background. you know that french aren’t very well known for their knowledge of other languages. We have a joke: do you know how we call someone who speaks 3 languages… a trilingual Do you know how we call someone who speaks 2 languages… a bilingual Do you know how we call someone who speaks 1 language… a french I like your kindness and your tolerance with me. Don’t change anything ladies, I will ask if it is not clear. 💋❤️ chloé Hhahahahahaahaha.....I would think you Europeans would say that about Americans to be honest! I don't know a single bilingual person amongst my friends. And the dumber among will hear someone speaking Spanish and tell them to speak "American". You might think I am joking but I have seen it happen more than once. America us truly a country of idiots.
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Post by Jessica on Jun 30, 2021 17:07:42 GMT
Ah that makes sense about knowing the words but not the expressions. We do have a lot of expressions that when you really look at them make no sense at all! I hadn't come across that reputation for the French - if anything I would have thought that would have been the reputation that we here in England have. Like the stereotype of the English person abroad who has made no effort to learn the other language and so just shouts even louder in English. I always found languages difficult to learn. I did French up to GCSE at school (those are the exams you take when you are 15/16) and did quite well, but because of the way it was taught and then not needing to use it ever since, I remember hardly any. I remember when I was 12 we took a school trip to France to help us practice our speaking. I tried to order a hot dog, and the lady behind the counter asked me to speak in English, as she could understand me better that way. Not quite the encouragement I was hoping for! For the past few months I have been trying to learn some Swedish on Duolingo, and it hasn't been a disaster, so perhaps I will add in some French as well - hopefully it would come back to me quite quickly if I did I tried using an app to refresh my French during the pandemic. It didn't work out.
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Post by Jessica on Jun 30, 2021 17:10:20 GMT
Sorry everyone, but this going to be another Debbie Downer post. Woke up at a decent time today, with a decent night's sleep too. The day there before me to do with as I wished. Except I didn't have anything I wished to do. Nothing. Another new day to fill, but I cannot find anything with which to fill it. My brain's still a bit frazzled with all that's been going on. The activity I had been doing before I came here uses a lot of brain power. It involves lots of creative and imaginative thinking. I love doing it, but I haven't got the headspace to do so the moment. My brain needs a bit of a rest from strenuous activity too. I can't play a lot of the video games that I used to be able to play. My brain is far too easily overloaded to deal with fast-paced action, quick responses and game soundtracks. There's a few games I'd love to play, but my brain just won't let me. This isn't a recent development either, I've been like that for few years now. I've been on Amazon to shop for clothes, but just got more and more dejected at the extremely limited clothes options available to me. The clothes I really wanted, either didn't come in my size, or aren't able to be delivered to an outside collection point. All the excitement of finally deciding to get the clothes I'd like, choked by all the barriers brought down around them. Everything seems to have settled down for me now which is good. However I feel I'm filled with torpor and melancholy, if not worse. Honestly, W-M, you know your body better than anyone, but I have found that sometimes when I overload my brain with this stuff I sometimes need to take a break for a day or two and just watch TV and distract myself a little. Gender is such an overwhelmingly large part of our existence it can be mentally exhausting to be constantly pondering it. Just my two cents.
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